When I Said I Do - Till Death Do Us Part
So, over the last 5 weeks, we have been looking at the traditional wedding vows that a man and woman make before they are joined together in marriage as husband and wife.
Last week, we looked at “Forsaking all Others,” and today, we are going to talk about the promise we made to our spouse to remain married “Till death do us part.”
The Bond of Marriage is POWERFUL.
Aside from the bond created when you surrender your life to Jesus, there is no other bond in this human life as powerful and strong as marriage. Marriage is more than a give-and-take relationship. It is more than a promise…
MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT, NOT A CONTRACT
Marriage is not a casual commitment. The day you and your spouse chose to get married, you chose each other for the rest of your lives. When you said, “I Do,” and you slipped that ring on the finger of your spouse, you became responsible for more than just you.
You became responsible to…
“Love and cherish” somebody else.
“In good times and in bad.”
“In sickness and in health”
“To forsake all others.”
And God – who created and designed marriage, designed marriage to be for the “rest of your life.”
Marriage is such a huge decision that Paul tells followers of Jesus they are better off remaining single and not getting married…
So, all you single people – think twice about getting married. Listen to what Paul writes.
1 Corinthians 7:32-40 (NLT2)
32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord.
When you were a single follower of Jesus – you could go anywhere and do anything you wanted to tell people about Jesus. After I became a follower of Jesus in 1991. That is after I understood that I was a sinner living in rebellion against God. After I confessed to God that I was a sinner, and I thanked Jesus for paying the price for my sin so I would not have to. After I surrendered my life to God and received Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior and experienced the life-changing power of forgiveness through faith in Jesus…
All I wanted to do was please Jesus.
I worked in construction and believed that God had placed me there as a new believer to show them Jesus. Three years later, I packed up all my belongings in a big black trash bag and moved seven hours away to Columbus, Ohio, to volunteer at a new church that was trying to reach people. I worked for the church for no money. I could never have done that if I was married!
And, when we married in 1999 - I agreed that I would no longer live for myself. From now on, responsibility no longer stopped at Me and God. It was now me and God and Kristy.
CONTRACT VS COVENANT
A Contract is between two parties: one man and one woman. But the Marriage Covenant is between three parties: one man, one woman, and God. A contract could be between two businesses, two men, two women, two churches, two anybody…
But Paul describes the Covenant of Marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. The Covenant of Marriage is between one man, one woman, and God. The pronouns Paul uses in that passage are HE and SHE. Male and Female. Husband and Wife. This was contrary to Greco-Roman Culture at the time, and it is still contrary to culture today. The truth is, God designed men and women to get married. They fit together physically, mentally, and emotionally.
A second difference between a contract and a covenant is the service concept.
In a contract, the attitude is simple: YOU serve.
In a covenant, the attitude is: WE serve.
A contract is broken when one party does not live up to the agreement to serve the other party. For example, if two companies have a contract to merge, but one company fails to meet its contractual obligations, the relationship ends. One party failed to serve the other party.
But in the Covenant of marriage, the attitude is to serve together.
To serve one another.
To serve God.
To serve inside the church.
To serve in the community.
To serve all you can to reflect God’s grace in a broken world, to your family, together. Our attitude changes from a “YOU serve me” to “WE serve each other and God together”
If your attitude toward your spouse is that they are there to serve you – you have a very difficult road ahead of you. Rather than “Till death do us Part,” your marriage is going to feel more like a death sentence.
The truth is that we will fail in our duty to serve one another and get selfish sometimes…but that leads me to the final point I want you to write down about a Covenant.
In a contract, wrongs are weaponized. In a covenant, wrongs are forgiven
I screw up all the time in our marriage. So does Kristy. But we choose to forgive wrongs, not weaponize wrongs. When you weaponize a wrong, you never let them forget how they failed you. You drag it out for years and years. You bring it up just to zing them and make them feel bad.
You often say something like:
Remember the time you…
Or
You always do that…
When you weaponize wrongs in your marriage, you are functioning with more of a CONTRACT mindset than a COVENANT mindset. But when you FORGIVE wrongs, you ELEVATE God's role in your marriage. Think about it.
Forgiveness is the heart of the Covenant God made with you, and forgiveness is the heart of the Covenant you made with your spouse. When you forgive, you recognize that God is more than the beginning, middle, and end of your Covenant. God is not just the center of your marriage –forgiveness must saturate every square inch of your marriage. Without covenant forgiveness, your marriage will be miserable till you die or till you divorce. And let me encourage you…
THINK DEATH NOT DIVORCE
If, in the back of your mind, you have set aside divorce as an option, if things get tough, you are not going to work as hard to forgive and overcome obstacles and challenges together. You will not practice forgiveness the way God compels us to forgive. But if you recognize death is God’s only way to end a marriage, you will forgive wrongs because you are in this until death.
You will serve together, because you are in this till death.
You will Love and Cherish one another, because you are in this till death.
You will forsake all others, because you are in this till death.
Now might be a good time to remind you that murder is a sin. It is against the law and punishable by death.
If you view Divorce as an option…the amount of energy and devotion you produce may not be as strong as those who see DEATH as the only way to break the marriage Covenant. We talked about divorce last week. I encourage you to go back and watch the sermon. There are two biblical allowances for divorce…and one I think is common sense.
Affair
Abandonment
Abuse
Affair: If your spouse is engaging in sexual activity with somebody else, the Bible allows for you to divorce them. But if you are able to forgive them, I encourage you to do so.
Abandonment: If your spouse packs up, leaves, and wants nothing to do with you…you are no longer bound to that spouse. But if you can forgive them and hold out hope for their return, that’s better.
Abuse: If your spouse abuses you or your children (sexually or physically), you do not have to feel guilt or shame about seeking a divorce. I do not encourage you to forgive them over and over. Get out.
Now, if you still view divorce as an option, here are some reasons why God does not permit divorce:
Your spouse hurt your feelings
Did not support you.
Laughed at you instead of with you.
Burned dinner.
Did not fold the laundry.
Passes gas under the blankets.
Leaves facial hair in the sink.
Burns the house down.
Or leaves the tank in the car empty again…
God does not permit divorce if you marry a lazy, good-for-nothing person. Think Death, not Divorce! Again, murder is a sin and a crime punishable by law.
TWO DETERMINED MINDS CAN LEAVE A LEGACY.
Two determined minds can leave a legacy. The more you and your spouse are determined to get better together in your marriage, the chances are that you are going to leave a godly legacy. Imagine that you model forgiveness, grace, service, and love in your marriage so well that your children grow up and model that in their marriage as well. Imagine you and your spouse beginning to serve as mentors for other young married couples in our church. By helping other married couples thrive, you will leave a godly legacy in God’s Kingdom and in another couple’s marriage.
I am firmly convinced that the more determined you and your spouse are to thrive in your marriage, the more you will confess your sins to one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another…and that your future family members will hold your marriage in high regard.
They may say things like:
“I am so proud of your grandmother for not giving up on your granddaddy.”
“Your grandaddy always got a twinkle in his eye when he talked about your grandmother.”
Have the mindset that you will leave a Godly Legacy for your children and your grandchildren. Think about the future – not just the present. Have the mindset that they will be able to see that you have a Christ-Centered, God Honoring, Grace saturated covenant with one another – and that even when things got difficult, divorce was never considered because divorce was never an option.