James - Listening and Doing

When we relocated to Myrtle Beach a couple of years ago, to help my daughter's transition, we bought two large Goldendoodles named Magge and Winne. They weigh about 90 lbs each, are two years old, and within two weeks of having a bath – they stink like dogs. I bought a huge air purifier when we bought the dogs.  It has a little light on the front of the machine that changes color when it detects “dirty air.” I keep it in the dogs' room…and sure enough, within a couple of weeks after the dogs get a bath – they start stinking enough for the air purifier to tell us that the quality of the air in our home is poor.

It’s not because they are bad dogs or do anything crazy like rolling in filth…it’s because they are dogs…and eventually, dogs get dirty and stink. And, sometimes, followers of Jesus are like that, too.  

We have surrendered our lives to Jesus.  We are born again and made new…but even the most careful and obedient follower of Jesus starts to wreak after a while. We let unconfessed sin build up in our lives.  We carry hurt, resentment, or bad attitudes.  We carry a judgmental spirit towards others and a “holier than thou” attitude, and after a while, we begin to stink. As James wrote the followers of Jesus, he mentions how they have started stinking, too.

Once, these followers of Jesus were examples for everybody to look up to, but these followers of Christ had turned sour, mean, rude, and…stinky.

So James reminds them of the importance of listening to the Word of God, the voice of the Holy Spirit, that they received when they trusted Jesus as their Savior.

He writes:

James 1:19-27 (NLT2)

19  Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20  Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 21  So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. 22  But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. 23  For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. 24  You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. 25  But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. 26  If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. 27  Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. 

Great conversations are being had today about what it means to “live clean.”

Health experts have warned us for years that to be healthy; we must be more particular about what we eat and choose products with the least amount of ingredients. Everything you and I eat and purchase at the grocery store requires a “list of ingredients.” And, the fewer ingredients we eat, the cleaner our bodies become. So, if a product only has one or two ingredients (and if you can pronounce those ingredients) the more that product is considered healthy.  They call it, “Eating Clean” or “Living Clean.”

And, in this passage, James challenges us to…

LIVE CLEAN, BECAUSE GOD HAS STAMPED TRUTH ON YOUR HEART

James tells us to get rid of all the filth and evil in our lives. Since the days of Moses, the Israelite people were told how God wanted them to live.  He gave them instructions on how to love God with all their heart and how to love their neighbor as they loved themselves. Then, he gave them Levitical priests whose only responsibility was to teach and remind the Israelite people to follow God. Yet – the Israelites continued to rebel time and time again. He gave them the Word, and they disobeyed and rebelled. He gave them priests; they stuck their fingers in their ears and said we would not listen.

Zechariah 7:11 (NLT2)

11  “Your ancestors refused to listen to this message. They stubbornly turned away and put their fingers in their ears to keep from hearing. 

The Israelites figuratively stuck their fingers in their ears like a child and refused to listen and do what God wanted them to do.  They refused to love him with all their heart and love their neighbor as they loved themselves. In the eyes of the Lord, they rebelled and kept choosing their own way to live.  They ignored the Prophets. They ignored the priests. They ignored the Word of God. And, they kept doing wicked and evil things.

Jeremiah 7:13 (NLT2)

13  While you were doing these wicked things, says the LORD, I spoke to you about it repeatedly, but you would not listen. I called out to you, but you refused to answer.  

But – here is where we are different from the Israelite people. If you have trusted Jesus as your Savior, God has written His commands on your heart.

Jeremiah 31:33 (NLT2)

33  “But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day,” says the LORD. “I will put my instructions deep within them, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 

This Covenant that God made with mankind is for all those who have surrendered their lives to Jesus. If you have trusted Jesus as your Savior, God has put his instructions DEEP with you. He has written His Word on your heart. That’s why your perspective changed after you surrendered your life to Jesus. That’s why after you trusted Jesus as your Savior, your “want to” changed. And, it’s why some of your behavior changed immediately after you gave your life to Jesus. For example, I gave my life to Jesus on a Wednesday night.  During the day on Wednesday, almost every other word that came out of my mouth was “filth and foul.”  My Nana liked to say, “I cussed like a Sailor.”  

Then, I gave my life to Jesus on Wednesday night. On Thursday morning, when I arrived at the construction site for work and heard some of the other men cussing, it immediately repulsed me.  I hated to hear them curse and take the Lord’s name in vain. Why? Nobody had given me a list of words not to say…

I was offended because God had written his Right and Wrong Word on my heart. If you have believed that Jesus died on the cross and paid the price for your sin, if you have asked Jesus to forgive you, surrendered your life to him, and believe he rose from the dead and will one day return, then God has written His word on your heart, too!

Because God wants people to live clean lives, he changed their desires. He changed their “want to.” He wrote His word on their Hearts, giving you and I the ability to discern what is right and what is wrong. So, live clean because God has stamped TRUTH on your hearts.  Confess sin to him, and stop doing what you know is wrong, even if nobody has caught you, because YOU know its wrong.

And living clean doesn’t mean we only stop doing wrong; it also means we start doing right. That’s why every week I begin the sermon, I talk about the importance of applying God’s word to our lives. “Living Clean” means we stop doing evil and wicked things and begin doing right and pure things. We are promised that if…

IF WE READ AND APPLY GOD’S WORD WE WILL BE BLESSED

James 1:25 (NLT2)

25  But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. 

James doesn’t just tell people to stop DOING evil; he tells them to START doing what the Word of God that He has written inside our hearts tells us to do. God didn’t just want me to stop speaking filth and foul from my mouth, He wanted me to start using my mouth to speak his Word. He didn’t want me to be silent and say nothing; he wanted me to speak the truth to encourage, rebuke, and strengthen followers of Jesus. And God doesn’t want you just to stop certain behaviors you know are wrong; he wants you to begin doing what is right. And, when you begin doing what is right, God will bless you for doing it. God has saved you FROM Something, FOR something.

God has a purpose for your life; his purpose is for you to live your life to glorify Him.  To make a big deal with others about the goodness of God. God not only wants you to wash your hands, repent, and turn away from sin, but he wants you to begin living for him and doing what is right.  And, as you do what is right, He will bless you for doing it. So, I think it is easy for us to know the behaviors we need to stop doing.

We know lying is a sin, so we stop lying. We know stealing is a sin, so we stop stealing. We know murder is a sin, so we refuse to take the life of others, even in anger. We know dishonoring our parents is a sin, so we strive to honor them. We know gossip is a sin, so we refuse to gossip about our lying, stealing, murderous HOA’s.

But – it is hard sometimes to know precisely what God wants us to begin doing. So, James provides them with very practical advice:

CARE FOR WIDOWS AND ORPHANS IN DISTRESS

James 1:27 (NLT2)

27  Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. 

The important part of this verse is the prepositional phrase that follows “widows and orphans.”  James told these followers of Jesus to care for widows and orphans “in their distress.”

When is a widow distressed? When she is grieving the loss of their spouse, they are crushed. They are hurting. They have lost their husband or wife of 30,40, or 50 years.  They feel alone and in distress.

I love that we have a group of Widows in our church that gather monthly and support one another. And I love that they have decided to come alongside a brand-new ministry we are launching this weekend that cares for orphans when they are distressed!

South Carolina released statistics for 2023.  In 2023, there were 7,000 children in Foster Care. 14,000 verified cases of abuse or neglect.  And 80% of the victims are children under the age of twelve.

These children are in distress. I know what it is like to be a child in distress.  

I know what it is like to be removed from my home and placed in foster care.  I know what it is like to be separated from my family, pulled away from my brothers and sisters, and cry myself to sleep at night. And I am grateful that our widows ministry has decided to help create a Foster Care ministry that cares for children when they are pulled from their homes and are in distress.

They will be an example of what a few people who choose to do right can do to care for other people. And you do not have to be widowed to join them! Very practically, here are four things you can do to care for orphans in their distress:

• BECOME A FOSTER PARENT OR SUPPORT FOSTER FAMILIES

• ADOPT A CHILD

• DONATE ITEMS FOR FOSTER CARE CLOSET

• PRAY!

Some of you may sense you are being led by the Lord to become a foster parent or possibly support foster families.  The steps to fostering a child are larger than I can share, but I am grateful that our Foster Care ministry will help you understand how to come alongside and support those families who have chosen to foster and adopt children.

Fostering is one of the hardest and best things a person can do.  It’s hard because you love and care for the children that have been placed with you, but it’s hard when they are reunited with their parents because a piece of your heart goes with them.

And, maybe you sense the Lord leading you to adopt a child. Again, there are legal details for adopting a child.  You can’t walk over to our children’s ministry and begin selecting a child. But if you do sense the Lord leading you, adopt, search South Carolina laws, and take initiative. Or, maybe you can DONATE items for our foster care closet.

Here is the list:

• Bags- to keep, a backpack or overnight bag, new or gently used. 

• Hygiene kits:

• Tooth brush

• Tooth paste

• Brush

• Body wash

• Deodorant

• Pads (feminine products)

• Overnight needs:

• Pajamas

• Underwear

• Socks

• Diapers/wipes (various sizes, not just newborns, prefer larger sizes)

• Shoes

• Pull ups

• Special items:

• Blanket (Blanket ministry may provide)

• Stuffed animal 

• Journal with Pens

• Lice Kits/Bed bug treatment

• Pillows and pillow cases 

• Twin sheets

• Walmart or Target gift cards

Each new placement bag will have a personal note with scripture provided by the widow's group for encouragement. 

The Foster closet will be maintained weekly by the Widow’s ministry.  A key person will be notified of the number of children, ages, sizes, and specific needs and will drop it off at the door for the family.

And finally, pray.

Pray for children in distress. Pray for Parents who are making mistakes. Pray for children who feel isolated, abandoned, who are neglected and alone. Pray that the need for a Foster Care Closet will end, and pray that God will use you to care for children who are in need of loving families.

James - Faith and Endurance

The author of James was the half-brother to Jesus and the pastor of the first Church in Jerusalem. James grew up alongside Jesus.  James was the son of Mary and the son of Joseph.  And he was the half-brother because he had a different Father. Joseph was the father of James….and God was the father of Jesus.  That makes Jesus and James half-brothers.  James was present during much of the ministry of Jesus, and no doubt his heart was crushed with grief when his brother was betrayed by Judas, arrested, mauled, and tortured to death on the cross. 

And no doubt, James became a believer that Jesus was the Son of God when Jesus rose from the dead, appeared to his disciples for over forty days, then ascended into heaven.

James knew many of the apostles because they were friends of Jesus.  James knew Peter, Matthew, Mark, Bartholomew, John, and the rest.  And after Jesus ascended into heaven, James was filled with the Holy Spirit - and possibly because he was the half-brother of Jesus – he became the Pastor of the first group of believers in Jerusalem.

The first group of believers started around 120 people…

Acts 1:15 (NLT2) 

15  During this time, when about 120 believers were together in one place, Peter stood up and addressed them. 

Then – as those 120 believers began loving their neighbor as themselves – they began leading others to a life-changing relationship with Jesus, and the church began to rapidly grow. We see this growth throughout the first several chapters of the Book of Acts.

Acts 2:41 (NLT2) 

41  Those who believed what Peter said were baptized and added to the church that day—about 3,000 in all. 

So, after Peter’s first sermon, at least 2,880 people surrendered their lives to Jesus.  And now, 3,000 people were loving their neighbor as they loved themselves.  

They were living with joy.  

They were serving one another.  

They cared for each other. 

They sacrificed for each other.  

We see how they lived in Acts 2:44-47.

Acts 2:44-47 (NLT2)

44  And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. 45  They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. 46  They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— 47  all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. 

They shared EVERYTHING with other believers.

They shared their property.,

They shared their homes.

They shared their meals.

They shared their money.

They were selfless, giving, and cared for others. And because of their generous lifestyle, every single day, people wanted what these people had and became believers in Jesus. Then, Peter preached another message…

Acts 4:4 (NLT2)

4  But many of the people who heard their message believed it, so the number of believers now totaled about 5,000 men, not counting women and children. 

Most men were married in this region.  Most families averaged 4-6 children.  That means this first church had at least 20,000 people who were followers of Christ, and historians tell us that James was their Pastor. And – the church continued to grow!

Acts 5:14 (NLT2)

14  Yet more and more people believed and were brought to the Lord—crowds of both men and women. 

And it kept growing!

Acts 6:7 (NLT2)

7  So God’s message continued to spread. The number of believers greatly increased in Jerusalem, and many of the Jewish priests were converted, too. 

Now, even the Jewish priests saw the change in the lives of the people and surrendered their lives to Jesus. The first church was characterized by their love and care for one another, and their joy and faith. It was an amazing, breathtaking, unstoppable wave of people trusting in Jesus and receiving forgiveness for their sins. 

They were on fire for the Lord.

These new believers wanted to do nothing except live for Jesus, and nothing stood in the way of the good news of Jesus spreading into the furthest corners of the world.

But then…

The already defeated Satan devised a plan to attack the church.  He began blinding the minds of unbelievers.

2 Corinthians 4:4 (NLT2)

4  Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God. 

And, the devil began whispering into the minds of non-believing Priests and religious leaders  to take their traditions back by:

Attacking, killing, and persecuting those who believed in Jesus. In Acts 6, a follower of Jesus named Stephen was speaking to the Jewish Priests and, beginning with Abraham, taught them Jesus was the Messiah the prophets said would come. But this time, rather than trusting Jesus as their Savior, the Jewish Leaders rushed at Stephen and began to throw rocks at him to kill him.

Acts 7:59-8:1 (NLT2)

59 As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” And with that, he died. 1 Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen. A great wave of persecution began that day, sweeping over the church in Jerusalem; and all the believers except the apostles were scattered through the regions of Judea and Samaria. 

The believers all ran away to escape persecution.  They saw the religious leaders stone Stephen to death.  They heard the cries of others as doors were kicked in and other believers were stoned and murdered. They were scattered throughout the region with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They ran for their lives. These caring, generous, loving people who willingly sold their property to bless others now ran for their lives.  And, as they settled into neighboring villages in the regions, churches began popping up.

And – fast forward about 15 years later. James, their former Pastor, wrote them a letter.

James 1:1 (NLT2) 

1  … I am writing to the “twelve tribes”—Jewish believers scattered abroad. Greetings! 

But throughout his letter, James doesn’t sound like he is describing followers of Jesus who were loving, caring, and generous. Listen to how James describes them in James 4:

James 4:1-3 (NLT2)

1  What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2  You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3  And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure. 

Rather than living by the resurrection power of Jesus the way they did in the first several chapters of Acts. Rather than going from house to house worshiping the Lord and living in harmony with one another…they had become cynical, bitter, and tyrants.

What happened?  Where did their love for other people go?

It is clear to me, that when they were persecuted and fled, rather than turning to the Lord and helping one another, over time, the adversity caused them to become bitter.The side-by-side characterizations of their lives is too ironic. Once, they had given away all of their possessions, but now, they wanted the stuff other people had, they were willing to fight to take it from them.

So, my advice:

REMAIN POSITIVE ABOUT ADVERSITY; VIEW IT AS GROWTH

James 1:2-4 (NLT2) 

2  Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 

You and I will experience adversity in our faith as followers of Jesus.  And how we handle adversity will determine who we become in the future. You may be filled with joy, generosity, and kindness and go out of your way to care for others now.  But will you do it after you have faced difficulty, hardships, and persecution?

These followers of Jesus were filled with joy when they fled, but adversity caused them to become mean, crusty, and rude. Many of us can probably think of an individual who once followed Jesus with great joy – but now their faith seems more like a shell of who they used to be. They have become bitter, mean, and jaded. And I bet if we looked real closely, somewhere along the line, a professed follower of Jesus hurt them.

At some point, the adversity they faced became so difficult they became bitter. And, you may be faced with something similar today.  So, I want you to view the adversity you are experiencing in your life today as an opportunity for growth.

When you forgive others, you grow and become more like Jesus. When you turn the other cheek, you grow and become more like Jesus. When you return words of insult with words of blessing, you grow more like Jesus. As a follower of Jesus, you will either grow to become more like Jesus or drift and become more like the person you used to be.  If you remain positive about adversity and see it as an opportunity to grow and become more like Jesus, you will live a blessed life. If you are a follower of Jesus today, you are growing…but…

NOT ALL GROWTH IS HEALTHY; BEWARE SEEDS OF BITTERNESS

Over the 15 years these believers were scattered, I think there was one nagging thought that troubled them and grew into a root of bitterness. I think they regretted giving away their possessions, selling their homes, and giving away their money to people with needs.  Once the moment of persecution began for them and they were scattered, they did not have anybody to turn to help them out.

I bet they thought, “Why did I give all my stuff away?  Now I have nothing.  I should not have been so generous.”  

And initially, that thought of regret could be dismissed.  But as time passed, the root of bitterness grew deep into their mind and corrupted their faith in Jesus. Now, rather than seeking to bless others, they wanted to be blessed by others.  They wanted to take rather than give, they regretted being generous and had become greedy. And, you and I need to make sure that as we grow as followers of Jesus, we beware of any seeds of bitterness that we might carry with us.

Do you carry seeds of bitterness in your heart?

Seeds of favoritism.  

Seeds of Gossip.  

Seeds of unchecked anger.  

Seeds of laziness.  

Seeds of division.

Seeds of grumbling.  

Seeds of complaining.  

Seeds of insecurity.  

Seeds of worry.  

Seeds of doubt. 

Seeds of mistrust.  

If you read the full chapter of Hebrews 12, you will see that the Author of Hebrews is discussing the discipline of God.  10 times in 7 verses, the word Paideia (Pie-DAY-uh) is used to talk about obeying the correction of God.

These formerly generous followers of Jesus stopped listening to the Holy Spirit’s guidance in their lives, refused to receive correction, and grew into bitter, crusty people. So beware, because if you and I fail to listen to the Holy Spirit and receive correction in our lives when we stray from God’s path to follow our own, roots of bitterness will begin to grow. And, James told the believers how they could get back on track to become devoted followers of Jesus.  James writes:

James 4:8-10 (NLT2) 

8  Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. 9  Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter and gloom instead of joy. 10  Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. 

James tells us that…

HUMILITY AND OBEDIENCE LEAD TO GOD’S PROTECTION

We prevent growing bitter and seek to remain humble. We trust in the promise that God will draw near to those who are humble and draw near to him.

Humility was the attitude of the first believers before they were persecuted - and it seems that humility is what was lacking 15 years later.  If a person is truly humble, they are constantly receiving correction and discipline from the Lord – because whom the Lord loves, he disciplines. You overflowed with Joy when you first trusted Jesus as your Savior because you had been humble, confessed your sin, and God came near you.

You overflowed with joy. If somebody hurt you with their words or actions, you were quick to forgive because you had been forgiven for your sins. So, continue to be humble and walk obediently with the Lord.  Allow the word of God to be a light to your feet and a lamp to your path. Keep loving others and leading them to a life-changing relationship with Jesus.

When I Said I Do - Till Death Do Us Part

So, over the last 5 weeks, we have been looking at the traditional wedding vows that a man and woman make before they are joined together in marriage as husband and wife.

Last week, we looked at “Forsaking all Others,” and today, we are going to talk about the promise we made to our spouse to remain married “Till death do us part.”

The Bond of Marriage is POWERFUL. 

Aside from the bond created when you surrender your life to Jesus, there is no other bond in this human life as powerful and strong as marriage.  Marriage is more than a give-and-take relationship.  It is more than a promise…

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT, NOT A CONTRACT

Marriage is not a casual commitment. The day you and your spouse chose to get married, you chose each other for the rest of your lives. When you said, “I Do,” and you slipped that ring on the finger of your spouse, you became responsible for more than just you.   

You became responsible to…

“Love and cherish” somebody else. 

“In good times and in bad.”

“In sickness and in health”

“To forsake all others.”

And God – who created and designed marriage, designed marriage to be for the “rest of your life.”

Marriage is such a huge decision that Paul tells followers of Jesus they are better off remaining single and not getting married…

So, all you single people – think twice about getting married. Listen to what Paul writes.

1 Corinthians 7:32-40 (NLT2) 

32  I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33  But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34  His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.  39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. 

When you were a single follower of Jesus – you could go anywhere and do anything you wanted to tell people about Jesus. After I became a follower of Jesus in 1991. That is after I understood that I was a sinner living in rebellion against God. After I confessed to God that I was a sinner, and I thanked Jesus for paying the price for my sin so I would not have to. After I surrendered my life to God and received Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior and experienced the life-changing power of forgiveness through faith in Jesus…

All I wanted to do was please Jesus.  

I worked in construction and believed that God had placed me there as a new believer to show them Jesus. Three years later, I packed up all my belongings in a big black trash bag and moved seven hours away to Columbus, Ohio, to volunteer at a new church that was trying to reach people. I worked for the church for no money. I could never have done that if I was married!

And, when we married in 1999 - I agreed that I would no longer live for myself. From now on, responsibility no longer stopped at Me and God. It was now me and God and Kristy.  

CONTRACT VS COVENANT

A Contract is between two parties: one man and one woman. But the Marriage Covenant is between three parties: one man, one woman, and God. A contract could be between two businesses, two men, two women, two churches, two anybody…

But Paul describes the Covenant of Marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. The Covenant of Marriage is between one man, one woman, and God. The pronouns Paul uses in that passage are HE and SHE.  Male and Female. Husband and Wife.  This was contrary to Greco-Roman Culture at the time, and it is still contrary to culture today.  The truth is, God designed men and women to get married. They fit together physically, mentally, and emotionally.  

A second difference between a contract and a covenant is the service concept.  

In a contract, the attitude is simple: YOU serve.  

In a covenant, the attitude is: WE serve.

A contract is broken when one party does not live up to the agreement to serve the other party. For example, if two companies have a contract to merge, but one company fails to meet its contractual obligations, the relationship ends. One party failed to serve the other party.

But in the Covenant of marriage, the attitude is to serve together. 

To serve one another. 

To serve God.

To serve inside the church. 

To serve in the community.  

To serve all you can to reflect God’s grace in a broken world, to your family, together. Our attitude changes from a “YOU serve me” to “WE serve each other and God together”

If your attitude toward your spouse is that they are there to serve you – you have a very difficult road ahead of you. Rather than “Till death do us Part,” your marriage is going to feel more like a death sentence.

The truth is that we will fail in our duty to serve one another and get selfish sometimes…but that leads me to the final point I want you to write down about a Covenant.

In a contract, wrongs are weaponized.  In a covenant, wrongs are forgiven

I screw up all the time in our marriage.  So does Kristy.  But we choose to forgive wrongs, not weaponize wrongs.  When you weaponize a wrong, you never let them forget how they failed you. You drag it out for years and years.  You bring it up just to zing them and make them feel bad.

You often say something like:

Remember the time you…

Or 

You always do that…

When you weaponize wrongs in your marriage, you are functioning with more of a CONTRACT mindset than a COVENANT mindset. But when you FORGIVE wrongs, you ELEVATE God's role in your marriage. Think about it.

Forgiveness is the heart of the Covenant God made with you, and forgiveness is the heart of the Covenant you made with your spouse. When you forgive, you recognize that God is more than the beginning, middle, and end of your Covenant. God is not just the center of your marriage –forgiveness must saturate every square inch of your marriage. Without covenant forgiveness, your marriage will be miserable till you die or till you divorce. And let me encourage you…

THINK DEATH NOT DIVORCE

If, in the back of your mind, you have set aside divorce as an option, if things get tough, you are not going to work as hard to forgive and overcome obstacles and challenges together.  You will not practice forgiveness the way God compels us to forgive. But if you recognize death is God’s only way to end a marriage, you will forgive wrongs because you are in this until death. 

You will serve together, because you are in this till death.  

You will Love and Cherish one another, because you are in this till death.  

You will forsake all others, because you are in this till death.  

Now might be a good time to remind you that murder is a sin. It is against the law and punishable by death.

If you view Divorce as an option…the amount of energy and devotion you produce may not be as strong as those who see DEATH as the only way to break the marriage Covenant. We talked about divorce last week. I encourage you to go back and watch the sermon.  There are two biblical allowances for divorce…and one I think is common sense.

1. Affair

2. Abandonment

3. Abuse

Affair: If your spouse is engaging in sexual activity with somebody else, the Bible allows for you to divorce them.  But if you are able to forgive them, I encourage you to do so.

Abandonment: If your spouse packs up, leaves, and wants nothing to do with you…you are no longer bound to that spouse. But if you can forgive them and hold out hope for their return, that’s better.

Abuse: If your spouse abuses you or your children (sexually or physically), you do not have to feel guilt or shame about seeking a divorce.  I do not encourage you to forgive them over and over. Get out.

Now, if you still view divorce as an option, here are some reasons why God does not permit divorce:

Your spouse hurt your feelings

Did not support you.

Laughed at you instead of with you.

Burned dinner.

Did not fold the laundry. 

Passes gas under the blankets.

Leaves facial hair in the sink.

Burns the house down.

Or leaves the tank in the car empty again…

God does not permit divorce if you marry a lazy, good-for-nothing person. Think Death, not Divorce!  Again, murder is a sin and a crime punishable by law.

TWO DETERMINED MINDS CAN LEAVE A LEGACY.

Two determined minds can leave a legacy.  The more you and your spouse are determined to get better together in your marriage, the chances are that you are going to leave a godly legacy. Imagine that you model forgiveness, grace, service, and love in your marriage so well that your children grow up and model that in their marriage as well. Imagine you and your spouse beginning to serve as mentors for other young married couples in our church. By helping other married couples thrive, you will leave a godly legacy in God’s Kingdom and in another couple’s marriage.

I am firmly convinced that the more determined you and your spouse are to thrive in your marriage, the more you will confess your sins to one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another…and that your future family members will hold your marriage in high regard.

They may say things like: 

“I am so proud of your grandmother for not giving up on your granddaddy.”

“Your grandaddy always got a twinkle in his eye when he talked about your grandmother.”

Have the mindset that you will leave a Godly Legacy for your children and your grandchildren.  Think about the future – not just the present. Have the mindset that they will be able to see that you have a Christ-Centered, God Honoring, Grace saturated covenant with one another – and that even when things got difficult, divorce was never considered because divorce was never an option.

When I Said I Do - Forsaking All Others

Today, we are focusing on the vow – “Forsaking All Others.”

Imagine two young lovers.  They are followers of Jesus and have successfully abstained from sex throughout their dating and engagement period.  They both love the Lord and want to Honor him in their marriage and engagement. She longs for the wedding day.  She tries to find the perfect dress, the perfect location, the music, the flowers, the ceremony. 

He is not dreaming about her dress, the ceremony, or the songs. Guys, you know what he is thinking about.  When he says, “I do.” He means, “Let’s get busy.” The bride is convinced she is marrying Prince Charming.  

He will always be romantic. 

He will always rescue her.  

He will always cherish her.

The groom is convinced he is marrying an insatiable, passionate woman who will be willing anytime, day or night. It doesn’t take too long before she realizes he is no prince charming, and he realizes he couldn’t have been more wrong about her sexual appetite. Then the arguments begin.  The bickering back and forth begins.  They hurl hurtful words at each other and cut one another to the core. Being the follower of Jesus he is, he quotes the bible to her:

Proverbs 21:9 (HCSB) 

9  Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife. 

And she quotes right back to him…

1 Corinthians 13:11b (HCSB) 

…When I became a man, I put aside childish things.

And after a short period of time, they both begin to think, “I have made a mistake…Marriage is not supposed to be this hard.”

After getting counsel from friends, they decide to end the marriage before it even had a chance to get started. They both feel shell-shocked and numb.  They can’t put a finger on what exactly went wrong. Today, as we talk about “forsaking all others,” let’s remember the origin of Marriage.  

God is the one who created marriage. It was God’s idea for one man to marry one woman and forsake all others. After God had created Adam, he declared that it was not good that man was alone and would make him a wife.  Adam was made from the dirt, but Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs.

Let’s read:

Genesis 2:21-25 (NLT2) 

21  So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22  Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23  “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24  This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25  Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. 

When a man and a woman marry, something spiritually, emotionally, and physically significant happens.  Two people make a covenant to remain in a God-Ordained, God Created Marriage. This isn’t a casual hookup or temporary living arrangements.  It is not a “let’s do it and let’s hope for the best.”  It is a TOTAL MESHING together of Two People into one. And since God made the two one, Jesus made it crystal clear. 

Matthew 19:6 (NLT2)

6  Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” 

You leave the past behind and go all-in with your spouse. No safety nets, no backup plans, no half-hearted efforts. No moving back in with Parents after the first fight. You become one flesh—spiritually, emotionally, physically. It’s you and your spouse fighting for one another, not you and your spouse when it’s convenient.

DON’T LET ‘THE D WORD’ POISON YOUR MARRIAGE

At some point very early on in our marriage, Kristy and I made a decision to treat the word, “Divorce” as though it were the most profane word in the English language.

We have argued, passionately, angrily, and heated, but we have never used the word Divorce.  In all things we have said that we do not mean…we have never used the “D-Word” in our arguing. My advice to you, whether you are in your first marriage or your third, don’t let the D-word poison your marriage.

Once you begin throwing that word around, the poison will contaminate everything it touches.  That word will poison your imagination, it will poison your dreams, it will poison your future, and it will try to divide into two what God has joined together as one. And, divorce is a sin but God has allowed…

THREE EXCEPTIONS: AFFAIR, ABANDONMENT, ABUSE

You made a covenant with your spouse to forsake all others – and if your spouse has broken their covenant with you by having an affair, God declares that divorce is no longer a sin.

The same God who said:

Exodus 20:14 (NLT2) 

14  “You must not commit adultery. 

Matthew 5:32 (NLT2) 

32  But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. 

If your spouse has broken the covenant by sleeping with another person, divorce is an option, but you can also choose to reconcile and forgive them. The second-place divorce is not considered a sin is in areas of abandonment. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7.

1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT2) 

15  (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) 

If you are married to an unbelieving spouse, and they abandon you, it is not a sin to divorce them.  But, you can still choose to wait for them, reconcile with them, and forgive them. But regarding divorce, abuse is not clearly given as an exception.  

There is no place in scripture that permits divorce in areas of abuse, so why did I put it in here?

Look at the end of verse 1 Cor. 7:15…the reason a spouse can divorce if they have been abandoned is because God has called you to live in peace.  If your spouse is abusing you or your children, you do not have peace.  

I watched my dad swing my mom around the living room by the hair on her head while he was in a drunken rage.  If you remain in a marriage where physical abuse is occurring, you are perpetuating a cycle of violence that your children will accept as normal. So – get out. Call the police.  Press charges.  Take photographs.  

And, because divorce is such a difficult journey, seek reconciliation and work hard to win trust and the heart of your spouse back again.   You DO NOT have to settle for the solution of divorce or remaining in a marriage without joy. The story I opened with about the young bride and groom could have been Kristy’s and my story.  

Our first two years of marriage were terribly difficult.  I was a youth pastor.  She was a Youth pastor’s wife.  Outside, we looked fine.  We went to church.  We led bible studies.  We went on mission trips. But behind the scenes, we bickered.  We argued.  We hurled mean words at each other.  She would call me an idiot. And under my breath, I would call her a %$#.  We were successful at hurting each other.

I would read Ephesians 5, where Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”  I couldn’t figure out why she would not let me lead in public. When I made a decision in front of the students, she would second-guess it. While I was trying to lead, I felt like she was trying to undermine me. After all, Eph 5:23-24 could not be any clearer:

Ephesians 5:23-24 (NLT2) 

23  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

Kristy was not submitting to me.  She was not letting me lead.  After a couple of years of this – I couldn’t ignore the nagging voice in my mind that grew louder and louder, “I married the wrong person.” “I made a mistake.” “She doesn’t love Jesus enough…” And then God showed me that I was so focused on Kristy’s role that I had failed 100% to understand my role in Ephesians 5. First, I had missed completely Eph 5:21. 

Ephesians 5:21 (NLT2) 

21  And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

Paul taught throughout scripture that followers of Jesus ought to always practice mutual submission, set aside their own selfish desires, and live to serve others. Second, I had missed completely Eph 5:25

Ephesians 5:25 (NLT2) 

25  For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…

Circle, “He gave up his life for her…”

See, God showed me his desire is not for me to lead but for me to give up my life for my wife. Husbands and wives, your marriage is not doomed to fail.

TO EXPERIENCE ONENESS, YOU MUST SURRENDER SELFISHNESS.

God’s design in marriage is that two people will become one. Therefore, oneness is the goal in every marriage.  Submitting to your husband and giving your life up for your wife is MUTUAL SUBMISSION TO ONENESS.  

Since I was a child, I have learned to take care of my own body. I learned to brush my teeth, wash my face, and try to look presentable when company comes over. I learned that my body needs to rest, exercise, and get sunlight in order to feel healthy. Ever since I can remember, I have taken care of myself. I eat to give my body energy and nourishment. I exercise to keep my body healthy. Nobody can force me to get up at a certain time, go to work, ride my bike, or be nice to others. I get to make decisions about what I do each and every day. It’s my body.

Until.  

The day Kristy and I married, I gave 100% authority over my body to my wife. That’s why I find my socks with her clothes. That’s why her fresh towel is used before she can use it. That’s why I sleep on the edge of the bed most nights.

1 Corinthians 7:4 (NLT2) 

4  The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 

Oneness is God’s plan for marriage.  For the husband, there is nothing in his life that is off-limits to his wife, and for the wife, there is nothing in her life that is off-limits to him. At any point at any time, my wife can pick up my phone, look through my text messages, calendar, emails, Facebook friends and messages, browser history trail… there is nothing in my life that is off-limits to my wife. And she has given me permission to pick up her phone and do the same.  Why? Because I have given authority of my body to my wife, and she has given the authority of her body to me. So, surrender to oneness.  

Take another look at the experience of Adam and Eve in Genesis.  

Genesis 2:25 (NLT2) 

25  Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. 

Adam and Eve were both naked and felt no shame.  So, as you lean into oneness, you and your spouse should…

BE NAKED (WITHOUT SHAME OR SECRETS.)

In Genesis, being "naked without shame" wasn’t simply regarding physical intimacy—though that’s definitely part of it, and we praise God for that. Adam and Eve had no pockets! They had no secrets stashed in closets or under their beds. Since sin had not yet entered the world, Adam and Eve were truthful and real with one another and held nothing back from their spouse. They were not controlled by fear, worry, or shame.  They loved one another and held nothing back.  So, be naked and empty out your pockets. Open up parts of your heart that are easy to hide.  Express the fears you keep buried and the hopes you hesitate to express.

God’s intention for marriage was not for two people pretending everything is perfect. 

It wasn’t two people living together but hiding the truth from one another. God intended you and your spouse to be vulnerable and transparent with each other. God gave us marriage so we could learn what it’s like to love unconditionally and to be loved unconditionally. 

So, if you’re holding something back—a fear, past mistake, or worry- I want to challenge you to share that with your spouse. Be naked, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually, without shame, without secrets.

“Forsaking all others” will change the course of your life. Forsaking all others means that I choose you—every day, in every moment, even when it's hard, even when I’m not feeling it. Forsaking all others means you keep the door closed when someone else—maybe a coworker or an old flame—comes knocking. It means that when you are tempted to look at something you shouldn’t, you remember that your eyes, heart, and body belong to your spouse. It means that you are choosing “us” over your selfish desires.

That’s the beauty of marriage. It’s the opportunity to live out God’s love story—sacrificing for one another, fighting for one another, giving grace when it’s not deserved, and standing by each other’s side until death do us part. So, if you’re here today and wondering if you married the wrong person, I want you to hear me. 

God can redeem anything. He can breathe new life into your marriage if you’re willing to fight for it. 

When I Said I Do - In Sickness & In Health

Today, we are focusing on the vow – “In sickness and in Health.”

A few months ago, I had one of the worst bouts of heartburn in my life. I typically take over-the-counter meds for it, but I had run out, and I kept forgetting to pick up more.  Rather than buying the meds, I would pop a Tums when I would feel the acid burning. Then, one night, the acid reflux was so bad that I woke up with my mouth watering and my skin clammy, and I’m not kidding; I thought I was going to die.

I got out of bed, and standing up made it worse.  I dug through the medicine cabinet, the closets, and under the bathroom sink.  I couldn’t find anything.

And the reflux kept getting worse.  I broke out into cold sweats. I was going to throw up. Sweating, I laid down on the Kitchen floor and pressed my face against the tile.  Believing I was dying, I yelled, “Help. Somebody, please help me.”

Kristy and the girls woke up and found me in my miserable state. At 1:30 in the morning, Kristy got in the car and drove to the gas station to pick up Rolaids and Omeprazole. Meanwhile, Jessie was wetting a rag and placing it on my forehead to help cool me down. After what felt like three hours, Kristy came home and brought Rolaids, Pepto, and Omeprazole, and I finally felt relief.

Being a man is tough, right? 

I’m not the only guy who’s been a little dramatic when feeling sick. Right guys?

Right? 

We can mow the yard, change the oil, and fix a flat tire, but when we get a bad case of the sniffles, we check our man card at the door, turn into little boys, and want our wives to be our mommas. When Adam and Eve chose to sin, and sin entered the world, it brought with it death, destruction, and disease. Sin gave birth to cancer, heart disease, aneurysms, blood clots, strokes, and heart attacks.

And when you made a covenant with your spouse, looked them in the eye, and said the lines, “in sickness and in health,” you made a covenant that you would continue to stay married to one another, no matter how bad their heartburn was.

Some interesting information I found is according to studies when one spouse is diagnosed with a serious illness, like cancer or another terminal condition, the chances of divorce actually increase. We think it would be the opposite.  If our spouse gets a terminal illness, that’s the opportunity to love them fiercely and help them…

But…

The divorce rate goes up. The stress, the emotional weight, the financial burden of medical bills, pharmacy prices, doctor care…

All the stress builds up, and marriages end.

And, men, here is something for us to get better at:

The divorce rate increases higher when the wife has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. It’s not true in every situation, but women are most commonly the nurturers in the home. They are “motherly” to us when we are sick. And men often don’t know how to handle that role reversal. We are used to being the providers, the ones who are strong and when our wives get sick, we don’t always know how to step into the caregiver role.

This is why the vow 'In Sickness and in Health' becomes so important. It’s easy to say those words on your wedding day, but living them out is where the real challenge comes in. But the good news is if we read and apply God’s Word, he will change our lives. So let’s look at Romans 12:9-13 and see what applications we can make to help us remain committed to our spouse, “In sickness and in health.”

Romans 12:9-13 (NLT2) 

9  Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11  Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12  Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

I love the simplicity and plainspoken truth of verse 9.

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.”

Ready for a confession?  

Sometimes, it is easy for me as a Pastor to pretend to love other people. I enjoy standing in the lobby and connecting with people. But sometimes, my mind wanders, and I catch myself feeling like I am going through the motions instead of really loving them. When my mind wanders, I have to remind myself that the person I am speaking with is a child of God, that Jesus gave his life for them, and that the Spirit of the Lord loves them deeply. So, if your spouse is struggling with the flu, cancer, or the man cold, my first piece of advice is to…

LISTEN TO THEIR NEED, NOT WHAT YOU THINK THEY NEED

Listen to their need, not what you think they need. When we are caring for a sick loved one, we can be guilty of going through the motions without really loving them. It is easy to “pretend” to show love and give them the care we think they need rather than listening to them and giving them the care they really do need.

For instance, if your spouse has the flu and has spent 12 hours throwing up and clinging to the commode, they really don’t want to eat anything you have cooked. Even if it is your homemade, fresh-baked, secret recipe.  Food is not going to help them feel better. They need rest. Fluids. And Sleep. And, if they are a man, they need lots of pity.

If you really love them and they tell you they do not want anything to eat, believe them. Or, if your spouse has a tremendous migraine and they tell you they do not want to go out for dinner, do not want to watch a show, or do not want to go for a walk, believe them. Let them rest and give them the space they need. Remember, when your spouse is sick, they still love you, but…they are sick. They need time to recuperate, so make sure while they are sick that you listen to their need, not what you think they need. Now, that step is for sicknesses like the cold, flu, or broken bones.  Eventually our bodies will heal and recover. 

However, there are frightening diagnoses that are life-threatening. Those life-threatening diseases that we face in life are opportunities for you to love your spouse with a deeper love than you know is possible. Men, this is where we need to dig-deep.  We are used to our wives being the nurturing one – but it is in these times we must dig deep and love like Jesus does.  

By God’s design, women are more nurturing, more compassionate, and more caring than we are.  God designed Mother’s to protect, nourish, and care for their children in ways that a male cannot…and…men have a tendency to be the protector. When men can’t protect our spouse from a terminal illness, we can run. We feel powerless, and apart from digging deep and showing real love, we are. So I encourage you to lead in your family through a complete surrender to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you care for your spouse and meet their needs.

Trust Him.  Remain faithful. And when it it gets hard:

FIND WAYS TO LAUGH, EVEN WHEN IT’S HARD

Romans 12:10 (NLT2)

10  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

As you love each other with genuine affection that is not forced, not faked, look for ways to laugh with one another to keep joy stirring in your own heart, the heart of your spouse, and in your children. Life is hard enough, and when we face a life-threatening disease, we must dig deep and laugh often.  Now, I’m not a big “laugher.”  I am one of those annoying guys in the group. When something is funny, I say, “That’s funny.”  

Instead of laughing.  Instead of smiling.  I say, “That’s funny.” Isn’t that annoying?

But when I am around the laughers, I get tickled. Not around the people with the polite social laughs but the laughers who are genuine and contagious.  Those laughers bring joy to other people.

As I prepared for this message, I knew I could go in a couple of directions.  I could go deep into the painful but redemptive stories of those who lost their spouses because of illness.  Or, I could emphasize the lighter side of sickness.

So, what I have tried to do is balance the two. Several weeks ago, as I prepared this message, I read story after story of marriages that experienced cancer, treatments, and death.  The stories broke my heart. But I saw one common element in all the stories I read: the person who was sick doesn’t want their sickness to bring their families down. When they faced a life-changing diagnosis, they still wanted to laugh.  They were depressed, but they didn’t want their diagnosis to bring everybody down around them. And, your laughter will help your spouse and your family cling to joy, hope, and not be caught up in the sadness that a scary diagnosis can bring.

So – listen to the comedy genius of “Jim Gaffigan” or “Tim Hawkins.”  Watch some movies that are guaranteed to make you laugh.  Learn to tell jokes – and get the delivery and timing down. Find ways to laugh, even when it’s hard. Along those lines, I encourage you to:

CREATE A GRATITUDE LIST, AND MAKE IT VISIBLE

Romans 12:12 (NLT2) 

12  Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

As you rejoice in your confident hope, make a list of all the things you and your family have to be thankful for. Buy chalkboard paint and chalk and dedicate a wall in your home for all the things you are thankful for.  Let it be visible, and when you pass it, stop and read through it. Go over it, and over it. And every time you pass it, let it sink in of all the things you are grateful for in your life. And my final piece of advice is when caring for a spouse who is sick – especially caring for one who has been sick for a while…

TOUCH FOR COMFORT, NOT JUST ROMANCE

Touch each other for comfort, not romance. That means when you offer to rub their back, it is only a back-rub. Your spouse loves you.  They want to be romantic with you – but when they are sick they don’t feel like themselves

Paul said:

Romans 12:12-13 (NLT2) 

12  Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Be confident in your hope in Jesus.  Be patient.  Keep on praying for your spouse.  When they are sick, they are in need – so be ready to help them…and practice hospitality to your spouse. The Covenant “In sickness and in health” is our opportunity to demonstrate hospitality to our spouse.  We accommodate our behavior for them and accommodate our needs for their needs because we love them…

Next week we are going to look at the vow we remember the most, “Forsaking all Others.”