When I Said I Do - Till Death Do Us Part

So, over the last 5 weeks, we have been looking at the traditional wedding vows that a man and woman make before they are joined together in marriage as husband and wife.

Last week, we looked at “Forsaking all Others,” and today, we are going to talk about the promise we made to our spouse to remain married “Till death do us part.”

The Bond of Marriage is POWERFUL. 

Aside from the bond created when you surrender your life to Jesus, there is no other bond in this human life as powerful and strong as marriage.  Marriage is more than a give-and-take relationship.  It is more than a promise…

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT, NOT A CONTRACT

Marriage is not a casual commitment. The day you and your spouse chose to get married, you chose each other for the rest of your lives. When you said, “I Do,” and you slipped that ring on the finger of your spouse, you became responsible for more than just you.   

You became responsible to…

“Love and cherish” somebody else. 

“In good times and in bad.”

“In sickness and in health”

“To forsake all others.”

And God – who created and designed marriage, designed marriage to be for the “rest of your life.”

Marriage is such a huge decision that Paul tells followers of Jesus they are better off remaining single and not getting married…

So, all you single people – think twice about getting married. Listen to what Paul writes.

1 Corinthians 7:32-40 (NLT2) 

32  I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33  But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34  His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.  39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord. 

When you were a single follower of Jesus – you could go anywhere and do anything you wanted to tell people about Jesus. After I became a follower of Jesus in 1991. That is after I understood that I was a sinner living in rebellion against God. After I confessed to God that I was a sinner, and I thanked Jesus for paying the price for my sin so I would not have to. After I surrendered my life to God and received Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior and experienced the life-changing power of forgiveness through faith in Jesus…

All I wanted to do was please Jesus.  

I worked in construction and believed that God had placed me there as a new believer to show them Jesus. Three years later, I packed up all my belongings in a big black trash bag and moved seven hours away to Columbus, Ohio, to volunteer at a new church that was trying to reach people. I worked for the church for no money. I could never have done that if I was married!

And, when we married in 1999 - I agreed that I would no longer live for myself. From now on, responsibility no longer stopped at Me and God. It was now me and God and Kristy.  

CONTRACT VS COVENANT

A Contract is between two parties: one man and one woman. But the Marriage Covenant is between three parties: one man, one woman, and God. A contract could be between two businesses, two men, two women, two churches, two anybody…

But Paul describes the Covenant of Marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. The Covenant of Marriage is between one man, one woman, and God. The pronouns Paul uses in that passage are HE and SHE.  Male and Female. Husband and Wife.  This was contrary to Greco-Roman Culture at the time, and it is still contrary to culture today.  The truth is, God designed men and women to get married. They fit together physically, mentally, and emotionally.  

A second difference between a contract and a covenant is the service concept.  

In a contract, the attitude is simple: YOU serve.  

In a covenant, the attitude is: WE serve.

A contract is broken when one party does not live up to the agreement to serve the other party. For example, if two companies have a contract to merge, but one company fails to meet its contractual obligations, the relationship ends. One party failed to serve the other party.

But in the Covenant of marriage, the attitude is to serve together. 

To serve one another. 

To serve God.

To serve inside the church. 

To serve in the community.  

To serve all you can to reflect God’s grace in a broken world, to your family, together. Our attitude changes from a “YOU serve me” to “WE serve each other and God together”

If your attitude toward your spouse is that they are there to serve you – you have a very difficult road ahead of you. Rather than “Till death do us Part,” your marriage is going to feel more like a death sentence.

The truth is that we will fail in our duty to serve one another and get selfish sometimes…but that leads me to the final point I want you to write down about a Covenant.

In a contract, wrongs are weaponized.  In a covenant, wrongs are forgiven

I screw up all the time in our marriage.  So does Kristy.  But we choose to forgive wrongs, not weaponize wrongs.  When you weaponize a wrong, you never let them forget how they failed you. You drag it out for years and years.  You bring it up just to zing them and make them feel bad.

You often say something like:

Remember the time you…

Or 

You always do that…

When you weaponize wrongs in your marriage, you are functioning with more of a CONTRACT mindset than a COVENANT mindset. But when you FORGIVE wrongs, you ELEVATE God's role in your marriage. Think about it.

Forgiveness is the heart of the Covenant God made with you, and forgiveness is the heart of the Covenant you made with your spouse. When you forgive, you recognize that God is more than the beginning, middle, and end of your Covenant. God is not just the center of your marriage –forgiveness must saturate every square inch of your marriage. Without covenant forgiveness, your marriage will be miserable till you die or till you divorce. And let me encourage you…

THINK DEATH NOT DIVORCE

If, in the back of your mind, you have set aside divorce as an option, if things get tough, you are not going to work as hard to forgive and overcome obstacles and challenges together.  You will not practice forgiveness the way God compels us to forgive. But if you recognize death is God’s only way to end a marriage, you will forgive wrongs because you are in this until death. 

You will serve together, because you are in this till death.  

You will Love and Cherish one another, because you are in this till death.  

You will forsake all others, because you are in this till death.  

Now might be a good time to remind you that murder is a sin. It is against the law and punishable by death.

If you view Divorce as an option…the amount of energy and devotion you produce may not be as strong as those who see DEATH as the only way to break the marriage Covenant. We talked about divorce last week. I encourage you to go back and watch the sermon.  There are two biblical allowances for divorce…and one I think is common sense.

1. Affair

2. Abandonment

3. Abuse

Affair: If your spouse is engaging in sexual activity with somebody else, the Bible allows for you to divorce them.  But if you are able to forgive them, I encourage you to do so.

Abandonment: If your spouse packs up, leaves, and wants nothing to do with you…you are no longer bound to that spouse. But if you can forgive them and hold out hope for their return, that’s better.

Abuse: If your spouse abuses you or your children (sexually or physically), you do not have to feel guilt or shame about seeking a divorce.  I do not encourage you to forgive them over and over. Get out.

Now, if you still view divorce as an option, here are some reasons why God does not permit divorce:

Your spouse hurt your feelings

Did not support you.

Laughed at you instead of with you.

Burned dinner.

Did not fold the laundry. 

Passes gas under the blankets.

Leaves facial hair in the sink.

Burns the house down.

Or leaves the tank in the car empty again…

God does not permit divorce if you marry a lazy, good-for-nothing person. Think Death, not Divorce!  Again, murder is a sin and a crime punishable by law.

TWO DETERMINED MINDS CAN LEAVE A LEGACY.

Two determined minds can leave a legacy.  The more you and your spouse are determined to get better together in your marriage, the chances are that you are going to leave a godly legacy. Imagine that you model forgiveness, grace, service, and love in your marriage so well that your children grow up and model that in their marriage as well. Imagine you and your spouse beginning to serve as mentors for other young married couples in our church. By helping other married couples thrive, you will leave a godly legacy in God’s Kingdom and in another couple’s marriage.

I am firmly convinced that the more determined you and your spouse are to thrive in your marriage, the more you will confess your sins to one another, pray for one another, and encourage one another…and that your future family members will hold your marriage in high regard.

They may say things like: 

“I am so proud of your grandmother for not giving up on your granddaddy.”

“Your grandaddy always got a twinkle in his eye when he talked about your grandmother.”

Have the mindset that you will leave a Godly Legacy for your children and your grandchildren.  Think about the future – not just the present. Have the mindset that they will be able to see that you have a Christ-Centered, God Honoring, Grace saturated covenant with one another – and that even when things got difficult, divorce was never considered because divorce was never an option.

When I Said I Do - Forsaking All Others

Today, we are focusing on the vow – “Forsaking All Others.”

Imagine two young lovers.  They are followers of Jesus and have successfully abstained from sex throughout their dating and engagement period.  They both love the Lord and want to Honor him in their marriage and engagement. She longs for the wedding day.  She tries to find the perfect dress, the perfect location, the music, the flowers, the ceremony. 

He is not dreaming about her dress, the ceremony, or the songs. Guys, you know what he is thinking about.  When he says, “I do.” He means, “Let’s get busy.” The bride is convinced she is marrying Prince Charming.  

He will always be romantic. 

He will always rescue her.  

He will always cherish her.

The groom is convinced he is marrying an insatiable, passionate woman who will be willing anytime, day or night. It doesn’t take too long before she realizes he is no prince charming, and he realizes he couldn’t have been more wrong about her sexual appetite. Then the arguments begin.  The bickering back and forth begins.  They hurl hurtful words at each other and cut one another to the core. Being the follower of Jesus he is, he quotes the bible to her:

Proverbs 21:9 (HCSB) 

9  Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife. 

And she quotes right back to him…

1 Corinthians 13:11b (HCSB) 

…When I became a man, I put aside childish things.

And after a short period of time, they both begin to think, “I have made a mistake…Marriage is not supposed to be this hard.”

After getting counsel from friends, they decide to end the marriage before it even had a chance to get started. They both feel shell-shocked and numb.  They can’t put a finger on what exactly went wrong. Today, as we talk about “forsaking all others,” let’s remember the origin of Marriage.  

God is the one who created marriage. It was God’s idea for one man to marry one woman and forsake all others. After God had created Adam, he declared that it was not good that man was alone and would make him a wife.  Adam was made from the dirt, but Eve was made from one of Adam's ribs.

Let’s read:

Genesis 2:21-25 (NLT2) 

21  So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22  Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 23  “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” 24  This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25  Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. 

When a man and a woman marry, something spiritually, emotionally, and physically significant happens.  Two people make a covenant to remain in a God-Ordained, God Created Marriage. This isn’t a casual hookup or temporary living arrangements.  It is not a “let’s do it and let’s hope for the best.”  It is a TOTAL MESHING together of Two People into one. And since God made the two one, Jesus made it crystal clear. 

Matthew 19:6 (NLT2)

6  Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” 

You leave the past behind and go all-in with your spouse. No safety nets, no backup plans, no half-hearted efforts. No moving back in with Parents after the first fight. You become one flesh—spiritually, emotionally, physically. It’s you and your spouse fighting for one another, not you and your spouse when it’s convenient.

DON’T LET ‘THE D WORD’ POISON YOUR MARRIAGE

At some point very early on in our marriage, Kristy and I made a decision to treat the word, “Divorce” as though it were the most profane word in the English language.

We have argued, passionately, angrily, and heated, but we have never used the word Divorce.  In all things we have said that we do not mean…we have never used the “D-Word” in our arguing. My advice to you, whether you are in your first marriage or your third, don’t let the D-word poison your marriage.

Once you begin throwing that word around, the poison will contaminate everything it touches.  That word will poison your imagination, it will poison your dreams, it will poison your future, and it will try to divide into two what God has joined together as one. And, divorce is a sin but God has allowed…

THREE EXCEPTIONS: AFFAIR, ABANDONMENT, ABUSE

You made a covenant with your spouse to forsake all others – and if your spouse has broken their covenant with you by having an affair, God declares that divorce is no longer a sin.

The same God who said:

Exodus 20:14 (NLT2) 

14  “You must not commit adultery. 

Matthew 5:32 (NLT2) 

32  But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. 

If your spouse has broken the covenant by sleeping with another person, divorce is an option, but you can also choose to reconcile and forgive them. The second-place divorce is not considered a sin is in areas of abandonment. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7.

1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT2) 

15  (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) 

If you are married to an unbelieving spouse, and they abandon you, it is not a sin to divorce them.  But, you can still choose to wait for them, reconcile with them, and forgive them. But regarding divorce, abuse is not clearly given as an exception.  

There is no place in scripture that permits divorce in areas of abuse, so why did I put it in here?

Look at the end of verse 1 Cor. 7:15…the reason a spouse can divorce if they have been abandoned is because God has called you to live in peace.  If your spouse is abusing you or your children, you do not have peace.  

I watched my dad swing my mom around the living room by the hair on her head while he was in a drunken rage.  If you remain in a marriage where physical abuse is occurring, you are perpetuating a cycle of violence that your children will accept as normal. So – get out. Call the police.  Press charges.  Take photographs.  

And, because divorce is such a difficult journey, seek reconciliation and work hard to win trust and the heart of your spouse back again.   You DO NOT have to settle for the solution of divorce or remaining in a marriage without joy. The story I opened with about the young bride and groom could have been Kristy’s and my story.  

Our first two years of marriage were terribly difficult.  I was a youth pastor.  She was a Youth pastor’s wife.  Outside, we looked fine.  We went to church.  We led bible studies.  We went on mission trips. But behind the scenes, we bickered.  We argued.  We hurled mean words at each other.  She would call me an idiot. And under my breath, I would call her a %$#.  We were successful at hurting each other.

I would read Ephesians 5, where Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your husbands.”  I couldn’t figure out why she would not let me lead in public. When I made a decision in front of the students, she would second-guess it. While I was trying to lead, I felt like she was trying to undermine me. After all, Eph 5:23-24 could not be any clearer:

Ephesians 5:23-24 (NLT2) 

23  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

Kristy was not submitting to me.  She was not letting me lead.  After a couple of years of this – I couldn’t ignore the nagging voice in my mind that grew louder and louder, “I married the wrong person.” “I made a mistake.” “She doesn’t love Jesus enough…” And then God showed me that I was so focused on Kristy’s role that I had failed 100% to understand my role in Ephesians 5. First, I had missed completely Eph 5:21. 

Ephesians 5:21 (NLT2) 

21  And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

Paul taught throughout scripture that followers of Jesus ought to always practice mutual submission, set aside their own selfish desires, and live to serve others. Second, I had missed completely Eph 5:25

Ephesians 5:25 (NLT2) 

25  For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her…

Circle, “He gave up his life for her…”

See, God showed me his desire is not for me to lead but for me to give up my life for my wife. Husbands and wives, your marriage is not doomed to fail.

TO EXPERIENCE ONENESS, YOU MUST SURRENDER SELFISHNESS.

God’s design in marriage is that two people will become one. Therefore, oneness is the goal in every marriage.  Submitting to your husband and giving your life up for your wife is MUTUAL SUBMISSION TO ONENESS.  

Since I was a child, I have learned to take care of my own body. I learned to brush my teeth, wash my face, and try to look presentable when company comes over. I learned that my body needs to rest, exercise, and get sunlight in order to feel healthy. Ever since I can remember, I have taken care of myself. I eat to give my body energy and nourishment. I exercise to keep my body healthy. Nobody can force me to get up at a certain time, go to work, ride my bike, or be nice to others. I get to make decisions about what I do each and every day. It’s my body.

Until.  

The day Kristy and I married, I gave 100% authority over my body to my wife. That’s why I find my socks with her clothes. That’s why her fresh towel is used before she can use it. That’s why I sleep on the edge of the bed most nights.

1 Corinthians 7:4 (NLT2) 

4  The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 

Oneness is God’s plan for marriage.  For the husband, there is nothing in his life that is off-limits to his wife, and for the wife, there is nothing in her life that is off-limits to him. At any point at any time, my wife can pick up my phone, look through my text messages, calendar, emails, Facebook friends and messages, browser history trail… there is nothing in my life that is off-limits to my wife. And she has given me permission to pick up her phone and do the same.  Why? Because I have given authority of my body to my wife, and she has given the authority of her body to me. So, surrender to oneness.  

Take another look at the experience of Adam and Eve in Genesis.  

Genesis 2:25 (NLT2) 

25  Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. 

Adam and Eve were both naked and felt no shame.  So, as you lean into oneness, you and your spouse should…

BE NAKED (WITHOUT SHAME OR SECRETS.)

In Genesis, being "naked without shame" wasn’t simply regarding physical intimacy—though that’s definitely part of it, and we praise God for that. Adam and Eve had no pockets! They had no secrets stashed in closets or under their beds. Since sin had not yet entered the world, Adam and Eve were truthful and real with one another and held nothing back from their spouse. They were not controlled by fear, worry, or shame.  They loved one another and held nothing back.  So, be naked and empty out your pockets. Open up parts of your heart that are easy to hide.  Express the fears you keep buried and the hopes you hesitate to express.

God’s intention for marriage was not for two people pretending everything is perfect. 

It wasn’t two people living together but hiding the truth from one another. God intended you and your spouse to be vulnerable and transparent with each other. God gave us marriage so we could learn what it’s like to love unconditionally and to be loved unconditionally. 

So, if you’re holding something back—a fear, past mistake, or worry- I want to challenge you to share that with your spouse. Be naked, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually, without shame, without secrets.

“Forsaking all others” will change the course of your life. Forsaking all others means that I choose you—every day, in every moment, even when it's hard, even when I’m not feeling it. Forsaking all others means you keep the door closed when someone else—maybe a coworker or an old flame—comes knocking. It means that when you are tempted to look at something you shouldn’t, you remember that your eyes, heart, and body belong to your spouse. It means that you are choosing “us” over your selfish desires.

That’s the beauty of marriage. It’s the opportunity to live out God’s love story—sacrificing for one another, fighting for one another, giving grace when it’s not deserved, and standing by each other’s side until death do us part. So, if you’re here today and wondering if you married the wrong person, I want you to hear me. 

God can redeem anything. He can breathe new life into your marriage if you’re willing to fight for it. 

When I Said I Do - In Sickness & In Health

Today, we are focusing on the vow – “In sickness and in Health.”

A few months ago, I had one of the worst bouts of heartburn in my life. I typically take over-the-counter meds for it, but I had run out, and I kept forgetting to pick up more.  Rather than buying the meds, I would pop a Tums when I would feel the acid burning. Then, one night, the acid reflux was so bad that I woke up with my mouth watering and my skin clammy, and I’m not kidding; I thought I was going to die.

I got out of bed, and standing up made it worse.  I dug through the medicine cabinet, the closets, and under the bathroom sink.  I couldn’t find anything.

And the reflux kept getting worse.  I broke out into cold sweats. I was going to throw up. Sweating, I laid down on the Kitchen floor and pressed my face against the tile.  Believing I was dying, I yelled, “Help. Somebody, please help me.”

Kristy and the girls woke up and found me in my miserable state. At 1:30 in the morning, Kristy got in the car and drove to the gas station to pick up Rolaids and Omeprazole. Meanwhile, Jessie was wetting a rag and placing it on my forehead to help cool me down. After what felt like three hours, Kristy came home and brought Rolaids, Pepto, and Omeprazole, and I finally felt relief.

Being a man is tough, right? 

I’m not the only guy who’s been a little dramatic when feeling sick. Right guys?

Right? 

We can mow the yard, change the oil, and fix a flat tire, but when we get a bad case of the sniffles, we check our man card at the door, turn into little boys, and want our wives to be our mommas. When Adam and Eve chose to sin, and sin entered the world, it brought with it death, destruction, and disease. Sin gave birth to cancer, heart disease, aneurysms, blood clots, strokes, and heart attacks.

And when you made a covenant with your spouse, looked them in the eye, and said the lines, “in sickness and in health,” you made a covenant that you would continue to stay married to one another, no matter how bad their heartburn was.

Some interesting information I found is according to studies when one spouse is diagnosed with a serious illness, like cancer or another terminal condition, the chances of divorce actually increase. We think it would be the opposite.  If our spouse gets a terminal illness, that’s the opportunity to love them fiercely and help them…

But…

The divorce rate goes up. The stress, the emotional weight, the financial burden of medical bills, pharmacy prices, doctor care…

All the stress builds up, and marriages end.

And, men, here is something for us to get better at:

The divorce rate increases higher when the wife has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. It’s not true in every situation, but women are most commonly the nurturers in the home. They are “motherly” to us when we are sick. And men often don’t know how to handle that role reversal. We are used to being the providers, the ones who are strong and when our wives get sick, we don’t always know how to step into the caregiver role.

This is why the vow 'In Sickness and in Health' becomes so important. It’s easy to say those words on your wedding day, but living them out is where the real challenge comes in. But the good news is if we read and apply God’s Word, he will change our lives. So let’s look at Romans 12:9-13 and see what applications we can make to help us remain committed to our spouse, “In sickness and in health.”

Romans 12:9-13 (NLT2) 

9  Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11  Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12  Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

I love the simplicity and plainspoken truth of verse 9.

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.”

Ready for a confession?  

Sometimes, it is easy for me as a Pastor to pretend to love other people. I enjoy standing in the lobby and connecting with people. But sometimes, my mind wanders, and I catch myself feeling like I am going through the motions instead of really loving them. When my mind wanders, I have to remind myself that the person I am speaking with is a child of God, that Jesus gave his life for them, and that the Spirit of the Lord loves them deeply. So, if your spouse is struggling with the flu, cancer, or the man cold, my first piece of advice is to…

LISTEN TO THEIR NEED, NOT WHAT YOU THINK THEY NEED

Listen to their need, not what you think they need. When we are caring for a sick loved one, we can be guilty of going through the motions without really loving them. It is easy to “pretend” to show love and give them the care we think they need rather than listening to them and giving them the care they really do need.

For instance, if your spouse has the flu and has spent 12 hours throwing up and clinging to the commode, they really don’t want to eat anything you have cooked. Even if it is your homemade, fresh-baked, secret recipe.  Food is not going to help them feel better. They need rest. Fluids. And Sleep. And, if they are a man, they need lots of pity.

If you really love them and they tell you they do not want anything to eat, believe them. Or, if your spouse has a tremendous migraine and they tell you they do not want to go out for dinner, do not want to watch a show, or do not want to go for a walk, believe them. Let them rest and give them the space they need. Remember, when your spouse is sick, they still love you, but…they are sick. They need time to recuperate, so make sure while they are sick that you listen to their need, not what you think they need. Now, that step is for sicknesses like the cold, flu, or broken bones.  Eventually our bodies will heal and recover. 

However, there are frightening diagnoses that are life-threatening. Those life-threatening diseases that we face in life are opportunities for you to love your spouse with a deeper love than you know is possible. Men, this is where we need to dig-deep.  We are used to our wives being the nurturing one – but it is in these times we must dig deep and love like Jesus does.  

By God’s design, women are more nurturing, more compassionate, and more caring than we are.  God designed Mother’s to protect, nourish, and care for their children in ways that a male cannot…and…men have a tendency to be the protector. When men can’t protect our spouse from a terminal illness, we can run. We feel powerless, and apart from digging deep and showing real love, we are. So I encourage you to lead in your family through a complete surrender to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you care for your spouse and meet their needs.

Trust Him.  Remain faithful. And when it it gets hard:

FIND WAYS TO LAUGH, EVEN WHEN IT’S HARD

Romans 12:10 (NLT2)

10  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

As you love each other with genuine affection that is not forced, not faked, look for ways to laugh with one another to keep joy stirring in your own heart, the heart of your spouse, and in your children. Life is hard enough, and when we face a life-threatening disease, we must dig deep and laugh often.  Now, I’m not a big “laugher.”  I am one of those annoying guys in the group. When something is funny, I say, “That’s funny.”  

Instead of laughing.  Instead of smiling.  I say, “That’s funny.” Isn’t that annoying?

But when I am around the laughers, I get tickled. Not around the people with the polite social laughs but the laughers who are genuine and contagious.  Those laughers bring joy to other people.

As I prepared for this message, I knew I could go in a couple of directions.  I could go deep into the painful but redemptive stories of those who lost their spouses because of illness.  Or, I could emphasize the lighter side of sickness.

So, what I have tried to do is balance the two. Several weeks ago, as I prepared this message, I read story after story of marriages that experienced cancer, treatments, and death.  The stories broke my heart. But I saw one common element in all the stories I read: the person who was sick doesn’t want their sickness to bring their families down. When they faced a life-changing diagnosis, they still wanted to laugh.  They were depressed, but they didn’t want their diagnosis to bring everybody down around them. And, your laughter will help your spouse and your family cling to joy, hope, and not be caught up in the sadness that a scary diagnosis can bring.

So – listen to the comedy genius of “Jim Gaffigan” or “Tim Hawkins.”  Watch some movies that are guaranteed to make you laugh.  Learn to tell jokes – and get the delivery and timing down. Find ways to laugh, even when it’s hard. Along those lines, I encourage you to:

CREATE A GRATITUDE LIST, AND MAKE IT VISIBLE

Romans 12:12 (NLT2) 

12  Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

As you rejoice in your confident hope, make a list of all the things you and your family have to be thankful for. Buy chalkboard paint and chalk and dedicate a wall in your home for all the things you are thankful for.  Let it be visible, and when you pass it, stop and read through it. Go over it, and over it. And every time you pass it, let it sink in of all the things you are grateful for in your life. And my final piece of advice is when caring for a spouse who is sick – especially caring for one who has been sick for a while…

TOUCH FOR COMFORT, NOT JUST ROMANCE

Touch each other for comfort, not romance. That means when you offer to rub their back, it is only a back-rub. Your spouse loves you.  They want to be romantic with you – but when they are sick they don’t feel like themselves

Paul said:

Romans 12:12-13 (NLT2) 

12  Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Be confident in your hope in Jesus.  Be patient.  Keep on praying for your spouse.  When they are sick, they are in need – so be ready to help them…and practice hospitality to your spouse. The Covenant “In sickness and in health” is our opportunity to demonstrate hospitality to our spouse.  We accommodate our behavior for them and accommodate our needs for their needs because we love them…

Next week we are going to look at the vow we remember the most, “Forsaking all Others.”