Created For… - Enjoyment

 Today we are talking about sex inside of marriage.

Before I begin – I want you to understand - Nobody is allowed to use this sermon as a WEAPON at home. If you agree with me raise your hand.

Because I was sexually abused by my dad as a child, my understanding of sex was corrupt for a very long time.  Sex was wrong. Sex was dirty. Sex was bad.

 And yet for many – even those who did not experience abuse – they still grew up with the conviction that sex was wrong. Sex was dirty. And sex was bad.

“Sex” is the word that most parents don’t say in their home.  We avoid the conversation with our children about the “Birds and the Bees” until they are in college. Or about to go on their honeymoon.

 I think one reason it feels so uncomfortable to talk about is that the church has helped make it uncomfortable to talk about it, as we avoid talking about it. We know our parents had sex. We know our grandparents had sex. We wouldn’t be here if they didn’t.  But we don’t talk about it. 

The church has chosen to sum up one of the greatest blessings God gave in one sentence…Help me out and finish this sentence…: “Don’t have sex until you are married.”

Because we avoid talking about sex, we invite the least qualified people on the planet to teach about it.

So today – I hope we begin to correct that. And, honestly, today may make some of you blush.  It is not my goal to be edgy, crude, or coarse…Trust me – you will not feel as awkward as I do talking about sex this weekend with my own children in the room.

Proverbs 5:18-23 (NLT2)
18  Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19  She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. 20  Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? 21  For the LORD sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. 22  An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. 23  He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.

 As Solomon is writing to his son, he is telling him that his WIFE is a FOUNTAIN of BLESSING for him…and that her BREASTS should always satisfy HIM. That is quite the opposite of what we remember hearing about growing up.  Sex was not considered a blessing…at best…it was not spoken about at all…at the worst…sex was a dirty topic summed up by dirty jokes.

We place it in the same category as we do the devil…but…

Sex was not the devil's idea
(Prov. 5:18, Deut. 24:5)

 Sex was GOD'S idea. He designed the male and female bodies to fit together exactly as they do. And – not only do they fit like a puzzle – God designed sex to be PLEASURABLE. Sex is not something that God TOLERATES between a husband and wife – He IMAGINED it before it existed. He DESIGNED it…and He PROVIDES it as a BLESSING inside of marriage.

The devil had nothing to do with the design, creation, or the idea of sex.  The devil does not have the ability to CREATE – all he can do is CORRUPT…And when we treat sex like something dirty, we silently signal the devil had something to do with its creation. He. Did. Not.

So let’s stop acting like SEX is something we shouldn’t talk about.  Let’s take it out of the “dirty” category because it never belonged there.  SIN has corrupted it – but GOD designed it to be a BLESSING. God made this – so let’s stop whispering about it. God valued sex between a husband and wife so much – he actually created the concept of a honeymoon.

When we think about a honeymoon – we think a week – maybe two.  But God said to clear his calendar for a whole year!

Deuteronomy 24:5 (NLT2)
5 "A newly married man must not be drafted into the army or be given any other official responsibilities. He must be free to spend one year at home, bringing happiness to the wife he has married."

 A full year. No draft. No duties. One assignment from the Lord... go home and make your wife HAPPY! That is how FOR marriage He is! That is how FOR your enjoyment He is! So…if God is for SEX - why does the rest of Proverbs 5 WARNING us about it? Well, because something this GOOD is also incredibly POWERFUL.

Stay drunk on your own spouse
(Prov. 5:19, Songs 5:1)

When Solomon writes…

Proverbs 5:19 (NLT2)
19  She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

The Hebrew word for captivated is “shagah.” It carries the idea of staggering, reeling, being intoxicated. He is saying, “May you always be DRUNK on your own wife…”

So, if you are married…Keep dating your spouse. Keep flirting. Keep pursuing each other. Keep touching each other. Sexual passion does not BELONG to the YOUNG and SINGLE…Marriage is where sexual passion belongs.

Married sexual love should be CELEBRATED.  And sexual passion doesn’t just rest on the shoulders of the husband…wives…ought to passionately pursue your husband as well.  Staying drunk on your spouse works BOTH ways.

Listen to how the wife talks about her husband's body in the Song of Songs:

Song of Songs 2:3 (NLT2)
3 Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in his delightful shade and taste his delicious fruit.

She says her husband is DELICIOUS. She is ENJOYING him.

God CREATED sexual desire. God CREATED sexual pleasure. And it is okay to talk about it. So, let’s go back to Proverbs 5 – the idea of being captivated or drunk on your own spouse…we are then warned NOT to get drunk or captivated on anybody else BUT our spouse.

Proverbs 5:20 (NLT2)
20  Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?

Solomon does not tell this man to stop being captivated. He tells him WHO should captivate him. Stay drunk (Shagah) on YOUR spouse.

Sex is powerful enough to bond a marriage or blow up a life. That’s why God puts a wall around it. The wall isn't there to keep the fun out - it's there to keep the blessing in.

The FIRE in your marriage can be expressed and enjoyed without shame. BUT the same fire God blesses in one place can destroy your life when you move it somewhere else.

The fire never stays on the sofa
(Prov. 5:23)

God does not give sexual boundaries because sex is dirty. God gives boundaries because sex is POWERFUL. Sex is like fire. A fire in the fireplace warms the house. But that SAME FIRE on your sofa?

If a fire is on your sofa, you are not going to stand around warming your hands – you are going to call 911. What changed? Not the fire. THE LOCATION. Fire on the sofa burns the house down. Sex works the same way.

Nobody begins an affair expecting to lose their family. It starts small. A private message. A coworker. An app. It feels containable. BUT it is not. 

Just like you would be aggressive about putting out a fire on a sofa in your house, you need to be aggressive when it comes to protecting your family from future damage of an affair.

Take that same aggressive approach when it comes to protecting your marriage from the FIRE of adultery.

Don’t be POLITE with things that threaten your marriage. Don’t let things hang around that should have been run out of the neighborhood a long time ago.

If somebody starts getting too close - SHUT THE DOOR.

If somebody starts flirting with you - SHUT THE DOOR.

If you are having conversations you would not want your spouse to read - SHUT THE DOOR.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing somebody who is not your spouse a little too much - SHUT THE DOOR.

Do not wait until the fire reaches the sofa. Do not wait until your family gets burned. AGGRESSIVELY PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE.

Somebody may think you are rude. LET THEM.

Somebody may think you are overreacting. LET THEM.

I would rather look foolish protecting my marriage than look back at the ashes and wish I had.

So married couples...TEND THE FIRE. Guard the fire. Feed the fire. Enjoy each other.

…

And, I know some marriages are hurting, and intimacy feels complicated right now.

Your marriage is worth fighting for, and asking for help is not a failure. Get plugged into a life group.  Reach out to a marriage counselor.

 And…if you are single, having sexual desire is normal…Your sexuality is not on hold until a wedding day. You are tending it it right now. Whatever you feed your fire today is what a future marriage will compete with tomorrow. And by the way, Jesus never married, and nobody ever lived a FULLER life.

And like me as a child, some of you have been burned by somebody else’s sexual sin. You never lit that fire – somebody else did.  You have a BURN – but your WOUND is not YOUR sin.  The Lord will continue to bring HEALING to you.

Sexual sin is serious. But sexual sin is NOT unforgivable. Jesus went to the cross for THIS TOO. Jesus rebuilds PEOPLE.

You cannot go back and undo every decision. You cannot erase every consequence. But you can bring your sin, your shame, your hurt, and whatever remains to Jesus.

There is forgiveness. There is grace. And there is a changed life that begins TODAY.

Sex was not the devil's idea. God created it. God blessed it. And because God knows how powerful this gift is, He gave us boundaries to PROTECT US.

And because God knew we would cross them, He gave us JESUS.