Christmas - Tips For Surviving The Holidays

At some point this Christmas season, Kristy and I will pack up our four kids and two Goldendoodles and head to Georgia to spend time with her parents, her sister and husband, and our nephew.  I always look forward to spending time with family, especially around Christmas. Sleeping on air mattresses. Kids are cranky and fussing. Dealing with disappointment if you get the wrong gift. In-laws arguing in front of family. Strange odors around the house. The Christmas season COULD also be accurately called the awkward season.

Seldom does anything turn out according to plan. The food burns. The air mattress leaks and you wake up on the floor. The in-law's argument gets so heated people begin taking sides…

The strange odor around the house turns out to be your shoes…

Today, I want to pass along FOUR TIPS to help you survive Christmas Day, New Year's, and the Holiday season.

Matthew 1:18-25 (NLT2)

18  This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. 19  Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. 20  As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21  And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” 22  All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet: 23  “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” 24  When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife. 25  But he did not have sexual relations with her until her son was born. And Joseph named him Jesus.

In the days of Mary and Joseph, the marriage process was FAR different than it is today. First, the marriage was arranged by the parents.   Second, a contract was prepared with the groom’s parents paying a “bride price.” Third, the marriage became legally binding after the contract and bride price were agreed upon.  Fourth, after the marriage became legally binding, the bride and groom still did not live together. The Bride and Groom would enter a season of purity testing.  The groom would travel to his home, get it ready for his bride, lock down a job and income if he did not have one, and when ready after the season of PURITY testing was over…the groom would travel to bring his bride home and then the marriage would finally be official after their first night together.

So, Joseph left to prepare the house for Mary. He waited for the season of purity testing to be over…It ended, with great excitement, he traveled back to get Mary… He shows up at Mary’s parent's house; she is seated, and she stands up…SURPRISE, HONEY! “I’M PREGNANT!”

Would you have been angry or devastated if this happened to you. So was Joseph. I am sure Joseph wrestled with thoughts like this:

I have been keeping myself pure. I have prepared our home. AND MARY has been sleeping with somebody else! Who is it Mary? Is it the mailman? Is it the Goat farmer down the street? And Mary replies, “It was the Holy Spirit.”  We see that Joseph really did not believe Mary’s story.

Matthew 1:19 (NLT2)

19  Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.

If he had believed her, he would not have considered ending the engagement.

That takes us to our first Christmas survival tip. Like almost every Christmas so far, this season, you will have family tell you wild and unbelievable tales about their lives. They might brag and lie about being promoted at work…They might boast and lie about a dating life…

So…the first Christmas survival tip:

DO NOT ASSUME YOU ARE RIGHT; THERE IS ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY (v. 19)

The story Mary told him was crazy!  “The Holy Spirit Got Me Pregnant.” He was embarrassed. He was angry. He was hurt.  But JOSEPH was WRONG to believe the worst about Mary.  He suffered emotionally because he was WRONG. He decided to divorce her quietly because he was WRONG.

This Christmas season, even if a relative’s story and life sounds made up and crazy…do not assume you are right. There is always more to the story… (Now, the more to the story may mean your relative needs therapy…) But do your best to not jump to conclusions.

Though Joseph was wrong about Mary…Joseph was still going to show great mercy toward her. According to Deuteronomy 22:20-21, after the Groom came for his bride, if the GROOM discovered she was no longer a virgin, she could be drug to the door of her father’s house and stoned to death.

I am sure that Joseph had some buddies that goaded him on…You don’t have to take that Joseph! But, even though he did not believe Mary, he chose to show mercy to Mary. He decided not to shame her publicly and would handle a quiet divorce.

Joseph’s reaction leads us to our second tip.  If this season gets too stressful and awkward and you feel like you are about to say something you will regret:

DO NOT LET YOUR FEELINGS DETERMINE YOUR BEHAVIOR; LET GOD DETERMINE YOUR BEHAVIOR (v. 20)

Despite how he may have felt, Joseph chose a gentler action.  He did not allow his emotions to lead the charge as he dealt with this challenging situation. Instead of choosing to stone her, he decided to divorce her quietly. Even though he was hurt, he did not wish for his wife and his wife’s family to be shamed and humiliated.

So, around your family, choose not to shame your relatives. Choose to swallow your pride, even when you know they are wrong…choose not to humiliate them. Choose to let yourself be wronged to keep peace.

Your feelings will get hurt this Christmas Season. Somebody is going to speak harshly to you.  Somebody is going to step on your toes. Somebody is going to give you the silent treatment. Somebody may gossip about you. Lie about you. Somehow, Cousin Eddie will show up and drain the joy from your life. If you want to survive and thrive during Christmas – you must NOT allow your FEELINGS to determine your course of action.

Paul, a follower of Jesus, wrote this:

Romans 12:17-21 (NLT2)

17  Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18  Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. 19  Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD. 20  Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.” 21  Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

See – if you are a follower of Jesus – If you have committed to follow Jesus by receiving Him as your personal Savior. If you received forgiveness for your sin and have entered a relationship with God through Jesus…then this passage gets to boss you around and prescribe how you get to live around a crazy family filled with Cousin Eddies…

When we respond to others based on our emotions, we will escalate the situation and make things worse for everyone else.  God has a better path and plan for us.

If you want peace, you must be the sacrifice. Retaliate with genuine kindness. Offer them something to eat and drink. Conquer evil by doing good. Even if you believe you are right.

Choosing to be the sacrifice leads us to the third tip.

DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL
CHOOSE TO BE MERCIFUL RATHER THAN RIGHT (v.24)

Show kindness anyway. That is what mercy is. Mercy is undeserved kindness.

Scripture isn’t filled with passages about Joseph.  But from this sliver of scripture, we can see why God chose Joseph to be the earthly father to Jesus…Even though he made a wrong conclusion, Joseph could have chosen to stone Mary.  Instead, he decided to show mercy and divorce her quietly. Joseph was a man who demonstrated uncomfortable grace. There is no telling what impact Joseph had on Jesus.
Did Jesus learn to turn the other cheek from his dad?

Did he learn to show mercy from his dad?

Did he learn to forgive 70 x 7 from his dad?

I wonder if Jesus the boy learned to shoulder the weight of the sin of the world by watching how his father carried the weight of whispers in the community.

Parents and Grandparents, your family is watching and learning from you this season.  If you retaliate with vengeance and anger…they will, too.  If you choose to be merciful and kind – they will learn how to be compassionate and kind through you.

And finally, the behavior you model will lead you to this last tip:

DO NOT GET DISTRACTED
CENTER CHRISTMAS AROUND JESUS (v.25)

It is SO EASY to get distracted by family and gifts and lose focus.  Joseph finally came around and believed Mary’s story.  An ANGEL of the LORD spoke to him and told him that Mary was pregnant with God’s Son.

Because Joseph BELIEVED by faith what happened to Mary, the direction of his life changed.  Instead of seeking to divorce – he stayed in the marriage.  They had more children together, and for a season, until he died, Joseph raised Jesus as his own.

Every Christmas Eve, we have a birthday party for Jesus. Kristy will bake a little cake with the girls.  We will sing “Happy Birthday, Jesus.” We want to make sure our focus is on Jesus.

What will you choose to center your life around?  The things people say about you? The presents you give to others? Family? Food? Do not allow the distractions to build up and become the focus of your life so much that you lose your temper, retaliate, and hurt others.  Choose to center your life on Jesus.