Upside Down - How Jesus teaches us to handle anger
Several weeks ago, I was pulling out onto River Oaks Boulevard. At the spot where I was turning left, two younger drivers were facing off. One was in a big red truck, turning left into the lot I was coming out of. The other seemed to be making a U-turn but was waiting for the truck.
The roads were wet, and the red truck driver looked hesitant, so I just waited. He had the right of way. I patiently waited. All was well in my world until the man behind me in a black sedan laid on his horn.
I glanced in the mirror and gave him “the look.” You know the one. I still waited for the red truck to turn. The black sedan honked again. Once the red truck finally moved and the little car made its U-turn, I started to pull out. That’s when Mr. Black Sedan whipped up beside me, still honking, and gave me the finger.
Now, my little electric car can move when I hit the accelerator. So, as I pulled out I left him behind in the dust. As Clark W. Griswold says, “You gotta keep those bad drivers behind you.”
At the next light, he caught up, rolled down his window, and let me have it. He called me names I haven’t heard in years, at least not to my face. Words that would push a movie to an R rating. (He must have been from Maine.) While he was blowing his top, I felt the bear in me get poked. I looked at him and said, “You are an idiot.” Then the light turned green, and I was gone again. That’s my confession. I definitely could have handled it better.
How do you handle your anger? How do you handle angry people? Every single day, we face opportunities to lash out or to choose grace.
One of the reasons the early followers of Jesus turned the world upside down was because they didn’t pay people back when they were harmed. They didn’t retaliate when they were kicked out of their homes, thrown in jail, or even when people sought to take their lives. And I doubt they lost it when someone blew the horn at them in traffic. They turned their world upside down by living in the power of forgiveness. Jesus tackles anger head-on in Matthew 5, and I’ve got a feeling today’s scripture will step on all of our toes.
So I hope you’ve got your Bible, and I hope you brought your steel-toed shoes.
Matthew 5:21-26 (NLT2)
“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. 23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. 25 “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. 26 And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.
Now, I confessed a few minutes ago that when that man in the black sedan rolled down his window and unloaded a string of R-rated words at me, I fired back and I called him an idiot.
But Jesus said in verse 22: “If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court.”
The word translated “idiot” comes from the Aramaic word Raca. It was a word of contempt. It meant “empty-headed,” “fool,” or “worthless.” The word isn’t about that person’s mistake; it was about their value.So when I called that man an idiot, I didn’t just call him a name. I attacked his worth. I told him he didn’t matter. I told him he had no value.
And here’s the connection Jesus makes…when you strip someone of value in your heart, it’s a short step to stripping them of life with your hands. If a person is worthless, what does it matter if they live or die? That’s why Jesus ties anger and insult to the same judgment as murder.
That brings me to my first point.
Self-awareness is greater than self-defense
Self-awareness is the ability to tell yourself the truth about yourself, even if you learn something that is not flattering.
As humans, we lean more toward self-defense. We tend to defend our anger and the actions we take in anger:
They started it.
I had to say something.
They got what was coming.
Blaming others for your meltdown is self-defense at work. But self-awareness looks inward and says, “What is going on in me?” It’s not shame. It’s not overthinking. It’s the willingness to reflect on your actions with the presupposition that says, “I am a sinner too. I am not perfect.”
And you begin to ask yourself, “What needs to change inside me so that I do not react this way again?” “What could I have done differently? You stop blaming other people and ask difficult questions about yourself.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather talk about the people who wronged me than the people I’ve wronged. It’s more fun! But, it’s also wrong. Remember, the Holy Spirit’s role in your life is to change you, not them.
Now, imagine that the driving incident had happened on a weekend, and the driver followed me to our worship service, hopped out of the car, and stood beside me in worship! Imagine that we were standing side-by-side, lifting our hearts to God in worship, teary-eyed, swaying back and forth…but in each of our hearts there was this pit of anger, bitterness, and resentment toward each other…
And that leads us to verse 23-24.
Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT2)
“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Remember this…
Your worship doesn’t outrank your relationships
We tend to think worship is the most important thing we could ever do. We believe God desires us to worship Him. And we often assume worship is only vertical - between me and God. But Jesus says it isn’t only vertical. Worship is also horizontal. Think of it like a triangle: God is at the top. You and I are at the corners.
The way we relate to each other affects whether our worship is the kind of worship God desires. That means my relationships with others have to be right before my worship is acceptable to God. Worship isn’t just thankfulness, prayer, conversation, and praise. Acceptable worship incorporates reconciliation. If I’m singing to God while I’m still holding bitterness against you, Jesus says it’s time shut my mouth and go make it right.
Our worship of God does not outrank our relationships with others. If we’ve offended others, if we’ve sinned against others, and we’ve not sought reconciliation, we aren’t worshipping. You may mean it with all your heart. But if you and somebody else have problems with each other, it means nothing to God.
I wonder how many times my worship has meant nothing to God because I was not willing to apologize to my wife? Or how often my heartfelt worship has meant nothing to God because of unresolved anger toward somebody else. So here’s the question we all need to ask: Who do I need to make it right with before I can honestly worship God?
Whose name surfaces in your mind the moment I asked that question? Whoever surfaces on your heart, write their name down, send yourself a text with their name, and do your best to be reconciled to that person. And, as we talked about self-awareness earlier, understand that…
Pride waits to be proven right; humility seeks to make things right
Do you know why you probably have not corrected behaviors in your life? Pride.
Do you know why you have not been willing to go to somebody you have offended? Pride.
Pride always keeps score. Pride always keeps the receipts of other people's offenses against us. Pride waits for the other person to apologize first. Pride says the other person has the problem. Pride says, “I know I am right. And, sooner or later they will see how right I am.” Pride says, “If they will admit how wrong they were, then I will apologize.” Pride waits for the apology, the phone call, the text that says, “You were right.” Pride insists, “They started it. They need to fix it.”
If you are a follower of Jesus…If you believe that Jesus paid the price for your sin. If you believe he died on the cross, rose from the dead, and that one day he is going to return. And, because you believe Jesus is the only way to heaven, you have repented of your sins and surrendered your life to him…Then you know that humility doesn’t wait.
Humility says, “I’ll take the first step.”
Humility says, “I’ll own my part, even if theirs is bigger.”
Humility says, “I value this relationship more than I value being right.”
That’s why Jesus tells us to leave the sacrifice at the altar and go.
He doesn’t say, “Wait until emotions cool off.”
He doesn’t say, “Pray about it for a few weeks.”
He doesn’t say, “Time heals all wounds.”
He says go.
Humility runs toward reconciliation.
And the truth is, if we wait until we feel like reconciling, we may never do it. Pride is comfortable. Pride feels safe. But pride keeps us stuck, while humility sets us free. That’s why Jesus says, “Leave your sacrifice and go.” Don’t delay. Don’t wait for them to move. Don’t wait for the right timing. Just go.
Humility doesn’t care who gets the credit. Humility doesn’t care who gets the last word.
If there is somebody in your life you need to begin the reconciliation process with, I want you to be humble, move first, and attempt reconciliation this week. Don’t put it off. Don’t wait for a better moment. Go turn your world upside down and make the first move. And then, as we gather for worship again next week, we’ll stand before God with clean hearts. That’s the kind of worship He desires. That’s the kind of worship that pleases Him.