Philippians - Settling Disagreements

Today, we get to look at Paul’s advice to two women who had a problem with each other.  That’s right, today we are talking about…women.

Two women…who couldn’t get along with each other. 

If the church should be known for excelling in anything, it ought to be setting the standard in resolving conflict. Unfortunately, many people associate the local church with division and hurt.

In fact, a common reason people do not attend church today, is because of the “church hurt” they've experienced from leadership or others within the church. People who do not attend church often say the church is filled with hypocrites, and they do not trust church leadership.  

Been there.

My first lead Pastor position was a church in Richmond, VA, and the church had been rocked by scandal.  Believing the Lord had called us there – I accepted the invitation to serve as their lead pastor.  Seven weeks later, I learned that the BOARD had been deceptive about their finances (the President had used the church as collateral and had taken out a $500,000 loan.) Within three days of discovering that information – I was fired, and the firing made Christian News Headlines. 

How humiliating. I know how painful it is to be hurt by the church.

Conflict happens in the church.  It happens in every area of our lives.

It happens inside our families.

It happens at work.

It happens in marriage.

It happens in the church.

Conflict goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve because he ate the forbidden fruit.

Conflict is a life thing. 

Family road trips begin with, “This will be fun, let’s make memories!” and the memories made are the kind when Dad finally pulls over the van and walks three miles to the next stop.

So, when you have conflict in your life, whether it’s at home, at work, or even in the church, accept that conflict is part of being human. 

In Philippians 4, Paul addresses these two women. These women had once worked together to lead people to a life-changing relationship with Jesus, but now they were mad at each other. 

Let’s read:

Philippians 4:2-3 (NLT2) 

2  Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. 3  And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life. 

The first thing I want us to understand about conflict is this.  (Write this down in your life notes.)

DISAGREEMENTS ARE HEALTHY; DIVISION IS NOT.

Disagreements will happen in every relationship. 

We can disagree on how to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom or mangle it in the middle. We can disagree on whether we drink our coffee black or cream. We can disagree on political views. We can disagree and engage in debate on anything and everything we want.

Disagreements are healthy if we listen to one another and appreciate the differences. Division happens when one person or side is so bent on being “right” that people are forced to take sides…get angry…and start shouting their opinions. When disagreements fester, they turn into division, and division can destroy a marriage, a family, a business, a corporation, a nation, and a church.

At Beach Church, we have five essential beliefs that we ask everybody to agree with in order to join the church:

1. The Bible is the inerrant, inspired Word of God that tells us what to believe and how to live.

2. There is one God, revealed in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

3. Jesus Christ came in the flesh born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, died on the cross to pay for our sins, was raised from the dead, ascended into Heaven, and will come again to judge the living and the dead.

4. All people are sinners and need the grace of God.

5. Salvation is only through faith in Jesus.

That’s it.

What about other doctrinal issues?  They are important, but they are not essential.  They are important, but they are not worth dividing a church over.

These Five?  They are worth maintaining harmony over.

The rest of our statement of faith? While important – not essential. You can disagree with your professors at school – but on the exam – give them the answer they expect you to give back.  

You can disagree with your parents about the cleanliness of your room – but clean your room when you are asked because harmony in your family is more important.  And your dad has seriously considered using a flame thrower to clean it. Division occurs when individuals are either unwilling or unable to yield their convictions to accommodate the preferences of others. 

A historical example is Prohibition in the 1920s. For the record, I was not alive in the 1920’s. In case you do not know, there was a period in the 1920s when Alcohol was banned as a beverage.  You couldn’t make it, sell it, or drink it. On one side, Americans were deeply convinced that banning alcohol was the right thing to do. They believed alcohol was morally wrong and harmful to society. On the other hand, other Americans viewed alcohol as a personal choice and a part of social life, and they resisted any government interference in their ability to consume it. They did stunts and said, “Hold my beer.”

Mobsters organized, set up distilleries and produced liquor. They sold beer, moonshine, and liquor in the back rooms of pharmacies, restaurants, and alleyways. Government agencies established specific police forces to combat liquor trafficking across state lines. There were shootouts, mob wars, and card games! Eventually, the Government threw in the towel and brought back alcohol with the 21st Amendment because they understood that disagreement is healthy, but division is not.

Now, let’s look at verse 2.

UNRESOLVED CONFLICT REFLECTS A LACK OF FAITH 

“Now I appeal to Euodia (yoo-adaya) and Syntyche (soon-tookay). Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement.”

These two women had a serious problem with each other. You have seen this in action before.  Two women start bad-mouthing each other and refuse to work out their differences.

When they gathered for worship, they avoided eye contact.  

When Euodia would pray, Synteche would roll her eyes.

They couldn’t sit together in their life group. 

They wouldn’t eat together at the church brunch.

Whenever their Pastor made a good point, they would glare at them across the room to make sure the other was paying attention.

Their conflict had become so huge – everybody was talking about it, but they refused to settle it. Now, when I disagree with somebody else, (Let’s say my wife) and there is conflict, and I refuse to try to settle the disagreement, it is usually because I want to be right. 

Sometimes, I don’t want to apologize because I want to be right.

Sometimes, I don’t apologize because I am right and the other person is wrong.

Paul knew that when this letter was delivered to the Philippian church and read to them, the church leadership would gather to hear his words, and he knew that these two ladies would be there. So, he addressed the Elephant in the room.

Their conflict had gone unresolved for too long. Paul knew that their refusal to resolve their conflict reflected a lack of faith. Paul said what everybody else wanted to say: “Settle your disagreement because you belong to the Lord.”  

Both of these ladies preferred to be stubborn and prideful rather than demonstrate grace and make allowances for each other’s faults. They each chose to be right rather than love their neighbor as themselves. They preferred to create division rather than seek harmony. 

So Paul “calls them out” for their sin in front of the whole church! For the next 2,000 years, every New Testament church would read about their stubbornness, bitterness, and pride. As followers of Jesus, refusing to resolve conflicts, especially within the church, reveals what we really believe about Jesus. Because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreements with other people.

Call that HOA up and work out your disagreement.

Call your adult child who still refuses to talk to you and work out that disagreement. 

Why? Because you belong to the Lord, and that is reason enough.

Then, it is clear that Paul knew these two sweet ladies needed somebody else to sit down with them to help settle the disagreement that was causing division in the church.

He writes:

“And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News. They worked along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are written in the Book of Life.”

Paul requested that a specific person sit down with these two ladies and help them resolve their disagreement. So, when you hear rumors regarding people and conflict, choose to…

BE A PEACEMAKER, NOT A POT STIRRER

When I was in High School, I was a pot stirrer. When guys had beef with each other, I talked about it. I told others about it. I was in the crowd and would say things like, “He said your momma was fat.”   “He thinks you won’t hit him. He thinks you are too scared…”

I was a pot stirrer.

But since I became a follower of Jesus, I have changed.

If you are a follower of Jesus. By that, I mean If you believed that Jesus paid the price for your sin on the cross, that he died, rose from the dead, and will one day return, and because you believe, you surrendered your life to Jesus and received Christ as your Savior…

You have changed, too.  You are no longer a pot stirrer.  You are called to be a peacemaker.

2 Corinthians 5:18b-21 (NLT2) 

And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 19  For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. 20  So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” 

As followers of Jesus, we have an assignment to be a peacemaker. First, we are to be inviting people to be reconciled with God. And we are to invite people to reconcile with each other.  When we hear of conflict and disagreement, we should step in to bring resolution and peace, not to get the juiciest gossip we can get.  Not to find out the dirt but to help each other resolve and get clean. We are not helping keep peace by ignoring conflict. Rather, if we do not work toward resolving conflict, we are allowing conflict to create division. 

When we ignore conflict, we invite division. Division in a church is a terrible thing because…

MISSION ALWAYS MATTERS MORE

At one time, Euodia and Syntyche served arm in arm, telling others about Jesus. They worked with Paul. Maybe they helped him set up tents, maybe they helped him bring relief to people who were struggling with disaster, or maybe they traveled with him for some of his mission trips.  

In whatever ways they had served in the past, Paul considered them partners in inviting other people to trust Jesus as their savior. But now, their disagreement with each other took precedence over leading people to Jesus. Our Mission to Lead People to a Life-Changing relationship with Jesus always matters more. Disagreements should never reach a level that creates division and prevents people from hearing about the life-changing truth of Jesus. 

There is always a friend, a mother, a sister, a brother, and a neighbor who is “this close” to trusting Jesus. We must jump in as peacemakers when necessary because other people always need to hear about Jesus. We are to be like Jesus, seeking to bring reconciliation and forgiveness to a world in need of him.